The Flounderer

Cherry

By Bee

Sun, 31 Jan 2016
  • 3695 reads
15 comments
 

She gasped over 

smokers, drinkers, or eaters

unconcerned about the fats and Es, 

those with emotions,

sealed inside. The festerers.



She'd yell at them to stop it!

Felt better for it...

Bellowed, 'Swallow green!' whatever

the latest life extending fad -

she wanted to follow it - for her -

for them...

Quit festering, 

she said. Eat slow. Fast.



Sad, she supped with the best of them -

reminisced herself to sleep on evening cheer -

beat up, as she was, on regrets, or else

she'd sweat it out and cry till dawn -

alcoholic, bulimic, anorexic, glutton

for punishment, and hopelessly romantic.

Mended / broken. Well



meaning - ate good, tried kind, slept sound,

hoping something might come of the effort,

prayed 



while Ernie, 80, could barely draw a breath

for fags and sucked his days; their pay away 

on cheapest grog. Mean mouthed

taker, hater, beater, swearer...

Nourished on nothing but polluted air,



he refused to stop breathing, even though

the world about him longed 

to bid his selfish soul bye bye! And She was 

never going to die, was she?

Certificate 15
Poem
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Forever worrying others about over-indulgence the right food, red meat etc., but too weak to do it themselves.

Me? I believe in eating what I want, but in moderation.

You certainly have described the situation well. As I read through it I saw fear - frustration -humour; disgust. This piece has it all and it's packaged is such a smooth flow of words. I really think this would make a performance poem, How about posting us a recorded reading?

Well done!

Ed

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Ed. Nice idea. Maybe I could get someone to read it for me?

Bee

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Actually, I think you would be fine.

 

Submitted by Mark Say on

I've read this through four times and find my perspective shifting a little each time. At first it seems like a third person rant against people who wreck their own health through over-indulgence, but after a couple or re-reads I feel more about the despairing/deluded/sanctimonious mindset of the subject. Every time I read my perception of which those applies more changes a little. Which is saying the poem has a nice subtlety and ambiguity to it.

Good one Bee.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Mark.

Thanks so much for re-reading. She's floundering. 

Your comments are so very much appreciated. 

Bee

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

the last few lines in particular tell of what's to come. This reminds me of hilaire belloc a little bit, except bang up to date and I would also love to hear you read it!

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks so much, insert. I'll have a go at recording it tomorrow. Got something wrong with my iPad right now. crying

Bee

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you for the cherries. 

Bee

Submitted by Pat G on

I particularly like your playing with words throughout, which brings a dark humour. "Eat slow. Fast." gives us a taste of what is to come. 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Pat. Glad you liked that.

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Lot to think about and caught. Was reading something yesterday about what comes out of our mouth that is careful to really try to help others (not blast) being more satisfying to ourselves aswell as them than the best of foods.

Personally I found the 'Well  

meaning …'

break a little confusing at first, maybe as I'm not used to that sort of 'hangover' with such a deep drop and, in that word, wouldn't there normally be a hyphen? Not dictating!
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Rhiannon. 

I used the word 'well' in that way with that break because it follows broken and mended, she flips between all those states. Then it links with 'meaning', which links by a hyphen to 'ate good...' etc. which is why she is wellish. So many of the words have more than on meaning when linked to the next, eg. 'Glutton', - it's just playing with words, as Pat said. Maybe it doesn't really work, though. I'll think about it.

Thanks for your thoughts, I do appreciate the advice. 

x

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, wasn't really advice, just explainig how I wasn't fully understanding, but I think I understand more now! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

You transport your reader through a host of emotions with this one, Bee.  Excellent writing.smiley

Tina

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Tina.

Bee