Eriksay

Gold cherry
Poem of the week
Pick of the Month

By love_writing

Tue, 05 Jul 2016
  • 8463 reads
20 comments
 

I wished to write

‘An ode to you’ – no, too thoughtless

too common

those words never reached the screen

and I wonder if they reached you

as I tried to recall

when I had sat on the bench

looking out at the dusted beach

and the turquoise glass sea and the smiles

of seaweed and the dunes they ran down

and I thought of you

by the charred out disposable bbq

and I wondered,

and I wondered,

if you were in the breeze as it blew my hair

up and around like thin threads on my face

if you were in that sea so clear so bright

like a child’s painting

if you were part of those dot to dot

mountains across, across the stillness

or if you were in him as he ran up

behind me, making me jump

him so full of life, of fun

that same little face.

Certificate U
Poem
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by seashore on

A very visual piece - I felt I was there with you, feeling what you were feeling. 

Submitted by love_writing on

Thank you seashore! Much appreciated :)

Thank you too for cherries x

 

love_writing

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

beautiful - especially liked the ending

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Thanks Insert! :) 

love_writing

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Lovely pace. You move seamlessly from image to image. No jarring. I'm jealous.

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Haha!! Thank you LC...lovely to hear from you :) 

love_writing

Submitted by VeraClark on

It feels monumental, looking out both bodily and visually as though the head is turned inside out. A striking sensation on reading it.

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Wow that's a striking image you've given me turning head inside out ;) Thanks Vera! 

love_writing

Submitted by tcook on

I really like this - it says a lot in so few words. Against a very good week for poetry this is the one, in my humble opinion, that nicks it.

Photo credit: http://tinyurl.com/gmpy2f2

It's also our Pick of the Day. Join us on Facebook and Twitter for a great daily reading recommendation. Ask your friends to join us too!

 

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Wow....I am beyond thrilled and speechless with the pick!! Thank you so much xx

love_writing

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

There's was much joy in reading this, lw. Some sadness as well. This one will be in my head for a while. 

Rich x

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Thank you Rich...really appreciate that! :) 

love_writing

Submitted by hoalarg1 on

Lovely poem. Resonated with me. Quite sad. A loss of a partner, now in the child behind. Beautiful. I felt like I was there too, blinking in the breezes on the shore.

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Thank you hoalarg...lovely comment x

love_writing

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

A wonderful sense of immediacy and an intensity of the moment.  I really like the pared down style to give vivid images. I'm left with hair whipping my face and the taste of salt.  Beautiful.

Submitted by love_writing on

Thank you PS love that you got that from it :) 

love_writing

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is our Poem of the Month - congratulations!

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Wow...oh my goodness. I'm blown away by the pick...thank you so much! I've never had a pick of month before- I'm totally shocked!! I've not been writing as much recently and this is inspiring me & giving me the push to write more, so for that I'm truly grateful x

love_writing

Submitted by celticman on

lovely, in a sad and whimsical way. 

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Thanks CM it was one of those moments when I could feel Amy close by :) 

love_writing