The Return

Gold cherry
Poem of the week

By seashore

Mon, 22 Aug 2016
  • 8112 reads
23 comments
 

The Return

by Julia (Overthetop1)

 

Watching a mauvey dusk dry your hair

Sensing its curl looping your neck,

Feeling your voice through a yellowing heat

Looking as your body negotiates the world

 

The lie of your linen shirt on your shoulders

A few straying chest hairs scrambling upwards

Your shoes still turn inwards, sharing old secrets

Those soulful fingers can soothe like strong cats

 

A metallic mask is shed, like skin

You have returned to my senses, complete.

Certificate 12
Poem
Overthetop 1
Love
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Wonderful imagery in this piece. Less is always more - something you're very good at.

 

Submitted by seashore on

Actually this is one of Julia's...didn't the intro bit come up?  I put it in somewhere.

Thanks insert, but it is hers not mine.

Edit:  Oh it is there...

 

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

oh you know what it is - when someone writes a teaser, it appears if you look at work on the 'new' page, but if you click on the 'unreads' it doesn't - just the piece itself. My apologies to you both - it's still just as beautfiul!

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

perhaps if you write the intro in the body of the work above the piece itself? Mind you, the only people likely to not see it currently are those who read from the unread list

 

Submitted by seashore on

It's okay, I've put her name on it now insert and thanks for her cherry.  This one was new to me, but I thought it needed to be seen/read.

Submitted by seashore on

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Such a well-observed sensory piece.

Submitted by seashore on

Thanks PS, indeed it is.  Julia probably wouldn't have thought it worth posting, but she was so good at imagery - better than her mum.

Submitted by celticman on

your shoes stil turn inwards, sharing old secrets'; a mighty line and like fine wine the poem ages well.  

 

Submitted by seashore on

 yes that's my favourite line too. Thanks cm.

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Powerful and full of spirit.

 

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you Richard.

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Coral,

there's so much depth to your daughters poem, maybe meant for a special loved one.

Is that a photo of your daughter by the way? She's beautiful.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by seashore on

thanks for the comment Jenny - yes Julia some while ago.

Coral x

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This wonderful poem is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day!

Please share/retweet if you like it

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thanks so much for the pick - very much appreciated by me on behalf of Julia. 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Very tender and a hit on the senses - economical but clinical word choice throughout - dry, looping, yellowing, scrambling... 'Your shoes still turn inwards - ' is beautiful observation projected. 

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thanks Stephen Thom - Julia would have appreciated your feedback, as do I.

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is our Poem of the Week - Congratulations!

 

Submitted by seashore on

Delighted - many thanks.

Submitted by celticman on

deserved poem of the week. 

 

Submitted by seashore on

☺

Submitted by VeraClark on

The little details made big with careful word choices. It's touching and yet distanced at the same time, and both mutually exclusive of each other depending how you read it.