A Dose of Frogs
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By rask_balavoine
- 1302 reads
People confide a lot in me – I have one of those faces, I’m told. It’s not something I go looking for.
Today a colleague chose to trust me with some troubling information – we’ll call him Tom, but none of you will recognise him anyway so I feel okay about telling you about him.
“Can I talk with you?” he said to me this morning. We were already talking, so I knew this was just his way of broaching a difficult issue.
“Sure, what is it?” I replied. It felt a bit like an American TV programme water-cooler moment but we weren’t wearing smart clothes and you couldn’t see Manhattan out of the window, just some trees.
Tom looked most uncomfortable and kept aiming his eyes out of the window instead of at me.
“I think I’ve got frogs”, he said.
“Frogs”, I echoed. “In your garden? Do you have a pond or a stream?”
“No. I mean frogs in the … toilet” he said, keeping his voice low and constantly looking around to ensure no-one could overhear.
“Frogs in your toilet?” I asked, eyebrows raised, assuming I had misheard. “In the toilet at home?”
“Yes frogs in my toilet, and in the toilet here in work, but they weren’t there to start with. I mean I think I might have ….. passed them. I passed some more this morning, I’ve been passing frogs and they splash about in the water at the bottom of the toilet. Have you ever heard of anyone with that before?”
I didn’t have to think too long to answer that question. The answer was no.
“You mean there are frogs coming out of … “ I tried to clarify, stalling for time.
“Yes, keep your voice down. Have you any idea about what I should do?”
I suggested seeing the doctor.
“How do I tell a doctor or anybody something as weird as that? He might start to wonder about me” Tom said, his anxiety rising. I thought he was maybe starting to regret having said anything to me. I was having regrets too.
I asked him, “How come you were able to tell me?”
“You’re different. I’m sure people tell you weird stuff all the time”.
I couldn’t argue with that.
We stood looking out at the trees for a while saying nothing.
Then he asked, “Could you go and see your doctor and ask him what you should do if you start passing frogs?”
That was another question that I didn’t have to think too long over.
“Do you want to come into the toilet and see?”
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Comments
I hope you intended this to
I hope you intended this to be funny because it certainly made me laugh. If it's not meant to be funny then you and Tom have my sympathy and I've replaced my laughter with a look of embarrassement.
And where I come from, a dose is the collective noun for crabs rather than frogs.
Turlough
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A long time ago I lived in
A long time ago I lived in Ballymoney but I was far too young at the time to be suffering from any sort of infestations.
Turlough
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mad as a box of frogs (in a
mad as a box of frogs (in a good way) - very well earned cherries Rask!
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I needed a laugh today and
I needed a laugh today and you delivered. Loved this.
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Congrats, this fast paced and
Congrats. This fast paced and funny piece, with a very clear & distinctive voice, is our Pick of the Day -- please do share on social.
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Congratulations Rask - very
Congratulations Rask - very well deserved golden cherries, and very nice to see your quirky, funny pieces more regularly again too. Please keep on posting them
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Yes, just read another piece
Yes, just read another piece by you. They're so well done!
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Why on earth?
My friend Willy (doesn't mind his name) told me the doctor asked him if he looks in the toilet? He says that since then he looks into the toilet, and thinks each time "why on earth would anyone want to look into a toilet?" Just like that, no frogs so far.
Bon appetite! Tom
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