The gamechanger

As my clothes were taken off the hanger on the back of the door, I looked up at the clock. It read 1:45. With my white, denim jeans on, nerves, jitters, and doubt washed over me. I ran into the bathroom, just before my white shirt was hoisted over my head. I locked myself in to take a breather from the pressure I felt in the room, I couldn’t help but wonder what the very vivid, petrifying dream I had the night before meant.

As I ran through the bare, dark forest, I could feel the uneven, wet mud beneath my feet. My white clothes were covered in a layer of thick, brown muck that had accumulated on them. I fell, for what must have been the tenth time, as I contorted my body in a fashion that let me catch a glimpse of the faceless monster behind. I could hear its heavy breath on my neck, almost able to feel the tremble in the earth as it ran towards me. For the umpteenth time, I picked myself up off the forest floor, noticing that there wasn’t a leaf in sight. The next time I fell, the earth swallowed, what was once a sparkling white right adidas trainer. I was relieved, however, because even with one runner I could still keep moving. After all, what’s a shoe in comparison to your life? As I slid and slipped on the wet soil, the feeling of warm air wafting on my skin was apparent. Unable to turn around, I kept moving as quickly as my legs would carry me. In the last place I positioned my feet, the ground sucked me in…I could move no more. The mud was up to my calf’s, when I squirmed and tried to pull myself out. the more I struggled, the more my body sank. The earth had reached my knees. Once I was waist deep, I turned my head. The monster I was running from sitting on the ground beside me, its legs crossed under it. It was laughing hard, spittle hitting my face with each and every sound it made. I could make out a piece of paper in its hand. Having lost my glasses in the kafuffle, I could only make out a blur of the grey, hairy beast. I was unable to make out the letters on the paper at first. With my  body now chest high in what I could only describe as quick sand, I twisted towards the faceless, yeti like creature. Still unable to see its face. As the wet, slimy mud reached my neck, I could finally make out four letters; ‘W’, ‘I’, ‘F’, ‘E’. Just before my last chance to extract oxygen from the air, I gasped and sat bolt upright, letting out a shriek as I did so.

I was feeling panicked. My mother was almost banging on the door, yelling, ‘its time to get dressed! Please don’t tell me you’ve had a change of heart!’ The panic in her tone apparent. I splashed cold water on my face. As I was doing so, I felt my long distance couples bracelet buzz gently against my skin. Wherever I was in the world, when Frankie, my fiancée, touched the face of her bracelet, mine vibrated gently, letting me other know she missed me. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. She was feeling panicky too! I could tell! That gentle buzz from the bracelet, the ones we got instead of diamond engagement rings, as neither of us particularly liked bling, gave me the reassurance I needed to exit the bathroom.

My mother, her sweaty face looking at me expectantly, asked, ‘do we still have a wedding?’ I bowed my head and exhaled slowly, touching the face of my own bracelet before I met my mothers gaze. ‘Hell yeah!’ I said with gusto. ‘Lets do this thing!’ The whole room cheered! As there was only a few aunts that I had invited present, battle stations were in full swing.

Fiona, my aunt who’s like a sister, retrieved my white, top from the back of the chair she had placed it on before I went all ‘bridezilla’ on them. ‘Were you nervous before you married Lorraine?’ I asked her as she began to put the garment over my head. ‘Of course I was!’ she replied, ‘but once I saw her in her dress as the old Volkswagen camper van pulled up outside nanny’s house, I knew that I was doing the right thing!’ ‘Do you think it’ll be the same with me and Frankie?’ I asked as my mom slipped my brand new white sketchers onto my feet, one at a time, smiling as she did so after overhearing Fiona. ‘Everyone has wedding day jitters!’ Fiona explained as she fixed the grandfather collar on my shirt. ‘Is it a thing that you think you’re making a mistake?’ My mothers head rose like a meercat after hearing an approaching lion. ‘I don’t think so’, I began. ‘I know I want to be with Frankie, that part I’m sure of! It just seems like such a big step is all!’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘Its 1:55!’ my mother shouted, making everyone jump! ‘When you see her, all of those doubts will wash over you and you’ll know it’s the first day of the rest of your life!’ Fiona explained, ‘but always remember…’ she stated as I rose from the chair and pulled me into her arms, whispering, ‘happy wife, happy life!’ into my ear. I nodded in understanding. ‘Thank you!’ I whispered back before my mother roughly grabbed my arm and tugged hard. The woman will be late for her own funeral, but she was determined for me not to be late to my wedding!

The walk to the function room was never ending. There were rooms on both sides of the corridor, the gaudy carpet worn in the middle of the strip to the elevators. You could see where people stood searching their bags for their keys to the rooms. We chose the Bracken Court Hotel in Balbriggan, because all of my family were coming from Waterford, Frankies from Meath and Louth. It just seemed like the perfect spot…and the added bonus was it wasn’t too expensive! I touched my bracelet in the lift and got a buzz back seconds later as Frankie did the same.

We arrived at the function room, almost all of our guests seated, and ran into each other’s arms. I couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked. She, like me, was wearing a sophisticated French braid in her hair. It was something we chose together in case there was a bit of a breeze on the day of June 8^th 2025. It was out eighteen month anniversary, that’s why we picked that date! ‘Happy anniversary!’ I whispered in her ear and then extracted a hanky her dad had given me as my something borrowed and blue. It was a white handkerchief, but had a blue design on the corner. As I wiped her eyes with it, she grabbed the other corner and wiped mine.

Fiona was right! The second I saw my chicken, I knew I was doing the right thing! Yes, marriage is a big commitment, but I knew then that I was ready…well, more than ready! At two on the button, we heard the start of our song, ‘Butterflies’ by MAX and Ali Gatie. It was a song that when Frankie heard it for the very first time, she knew it was about us. The added bonus that it was by an artist who shared the same name of my late dog, Max, was fitting! It to me proved that my little man approved in my choice of partner.

As Sean approached his daughter, the last one out of eight that he raised to marry, he was obviously moved. ‘Right kid,’ he said, ‘let’s have ourselves a wedding!’ Frankie broke our gaze to look at her foster dad, a man she lived with for the past twenty eight years, and placed her arm in his. I knew her greatest fear was that he would never get to see his little girl, as he always saw her, walk down the aisle. Just before the doors opened, Frankie broke free from her father and planted her lips on mine. ‘The next time we kiss, we will no longer be just together…’ she stated, ‘we will be married!’ I began to tear up again. Frankie returned to her father and the doors opened.

Mom spun me around, wiping my tears, telling me firmly to, ‘stop that nonsense!’ which was hypocritical as the tears in her own eyes formed. She looked up to the ceiling and fanned her face with her hands to dry them up. I put my arm in the crook of hers, and we walked down the strip of red carpet that was rolled out especially for us and our special day. It was a bit worn, but then again, what part of the hotel wasn’t?

As we reached the alter, mom gave me a big hug, one that I nearly had to prise her arms, that were tightly squeezing my body, away. She whispered into my ear, ‘I love you!’, before she took her seat, she took out a fresh tissue, as you could have wrung the previous one, it was that wet!

The woman who performed the ceremony was very thorough and made sure we had a good amount of time for our vows. As a part of mine, I recited the poem by E.E. Cummings, ‘my heart I carry it in’. It was the same poem I recited when Frankie and I exchanged our promise rings on St. Patricks Day in 2024 down by the beach. I got the same reaction from her when I was finished as I got all those months beforehand in her white ford focus! In fairness, I cried my way through it, Sean’s hanky coming in handy. When I was finished, I looked around the room. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. The vows Frankie recited were beautiful. I had teared up when she promised to make me the happiest woman alive. That particular part of the vows were unbelievably sweet, and she had already made me the happiest I’d ever been that day she and I started to talk on the dating website.

I could never had foreseen then that we would have made it here. I knew she was someone special, that’s why I volunteered my number to her. Now, eighteen months to the day, the rings were called for. We discussed at length what type we wanted. Frankie confessed she had always dreamed of a black band, so that’s what we went for. The doors to the room opened again and this time, little Kimmy and Mo ran towards us, a little white pillow with the rings attached, tied to their collars. These were our babies. How could we not involve them in the wedding? Everyone ooohhhed and aaahheed at our beautiful little girls, their tails wagging so hard that I thought they were going to fly! We each gave them a small treat and undid the knot that set our rings free. Reluctant to leave, the doggy sitter had to come in and physically pick them up, one under each arm. It was comical, and something I will always remember!

With such a beautiful ceremony, I was delighted when the, ‘you may now kiss the bride!’ bit came. We gave each other a sensational kiss. One that would go down in history as the first kiss we had as an official married couple. As we walked back down the worn red carpet, hand in hand, the butterflies song playing once again, I looked up at the clock. It was 2:45. I couldn’t believe that I ever had cold feet marrying Frankie, the woman of my dreams!