Atlas mountain girls

Cherry

By Pat G

Fri, 29 May 2015
  • 1586 reads
10 comments
 

Five figures bent

under giant baskets.

Their splayed feet

kicked up dust

below sparse olives.

 

They hauled,

weight-straps on foreheads,

leaning in,

strong chins

pointing to conspiracy,

as they teased.

 

Laughter whisked

sailing cirrus,

contemptuous

of mud-walls,

shuttered windows,

and dark rooms

where whispers fluttered

into buzzing corners.

 

When busy shadows

declared rocks

and tough-leafed shrubs,

five fodder loads

squeaked wicker,

creaked young spines.

 

Burdens pushed

on flexible hips,

straightened naked toes.

Excited breaths

damply flayed

the canyon cliffs.

 

Jokes scattered

scratching chickens,

and throughout the houses

hunger waited,

its expectant eyes

tolerant for just a day.

Certificate U
Poem
Travel
Philosophy
Opinion

Comments

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Something ancient and present here, like a national geographic photo but more animated.  The image of the girls merges with the rock of land and shelter.  I like the mythic connotations too, the atlas-type strength of the girls is timeless.  Echoey in its sparseness.

Submitted by Pat G on

They were a daunting group - ready to take my companion as a husband! But I feared their carefree time would be brief.

Submitted by Bee on

I saw the girls, heard their breath - laughter, felt their strength against the craggy background. The title says so much about them. What a lovely poem!

Bee

Submitted by Pat G on

Thank you. They were hardy and edgy - like many teenage girls here - but faced such a different kind of life in those shuttered houses.

Submitted by socialeaf on

Lovely and very evocative. Beautiful word combinations. 

 

Submitted by Pat G on

Thank you for your kind comments.

Submitted by EB on

'

Burdens pushed

on flexible hips,

straightened naked toes.

Excited breaths

damply flayed

the canyon cliffs.'

Strong and solid imagery used throughout. Admired.

Submitted by Pat G on

Thank you so much.

Submitted by VeraClark on

Has a Grace Nichols feel to it. Sparse on the page just as sparsity lives where these girls are. But it's beautifully rich, too and the words have roots, it's a mind opening piece of work. Visual and emotive. Really love this.

 

Submitted by Pat G on

Thank you Vera for reading the poem. It's really helpful and encouaging to get your feedback