Looking

By shoe

Fri, 02 Apr 2010
  • 1836 reads
8 comments
 

Lead me slowly, it is long have I looked,
The steel of your bones is crushing this sparrow,
Outside, I am sure it is summer,
The window grows dim over time,
Cataracts fade out any feeling,
Dust has settled in layers and sighs.

Lead me slowly, it is long have I looked,
I am feared of the shadows where once there were eyes,
Lean forward, breathe dew on the pane,
Your fingertip circles the sun,
The looking glass faces the window,
Outside, the girl has a woman become.

Certificate U
Poem
What was I thinking! they sounded so good in my head.
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Kahdai on
Eerie & sad shoe, but I think I have been there before, in writing myself too & I can tell you we all get out in the end. K xx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by shoe on
Thank you Kahdai, I'm glad this meant something to you, Shirley

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
'Outside, I am sure it is summer, The window grows dim over time, Cataracts fade out any feeling, Dust has settled in layers and sighs.' - love these lines, Shirley! I love the whole quiet yet brooding tone to the poem - well done ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by shoe on
Thank you Magic, for reading and I'm glad you chose those brooding lines,:~}

 

Submitted by kheldar on
Glad you found me girl.... but wait .... "steel of your bones"... rats, tis not about me is it? Seriously though, i am constantly amazed at the way you stuff your poems with atmosphere - i could actually be looking through the window with you. David xx :--)

cool

Submitted by shoe on
Would you crush this sparrow David? or would your fingertip circle my sun? if the dew of your breathe melts the dust from my eyes, the shadows need never return. I'm rather pleased you felt the atmosphere of this poem, I didn't know where it was going or what it meant, you do my confidence no harm at all, xxx Q: steel of your bones? are you bionic?

 

Submitted by Mangone on
Metropolis Lead me slowly It is long since have I looked Outside, I am sure it is summer, The window grows dim over time, Cataracts fade out any feeling, Dust has settled in layers and sighs. Lead me slowly It is long since have I looked, The steel of your bones is crushing the sparrow The tyranny of cars banished the grass Your blackened fingertip circles the sun, I am feared of the shadows where once… I lean forward, breathe dew on the pane The looking glass faces the window Outside, the trees have left. I don't know why but that's where your poem led me, Shoe. I know, I know, I should get out more :O) Happy Easter.

Submitted by shoe on
An interesting version Mangone, one I enjoyed, Happy Easter Easter to you,:~}