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Splendidly surreal! (either
Posted on Sat, 04 Oct 2014
Splendidly surreal! (either that or you've taken a LOT of drugs recently)
Read full commentPosted in Dabavan III
I enjoyed this very much -
Posted on Sat, 27 Sep 2014
I enjoyed this very much - you have created a strong narrative voice. A couple of suggestions: you could possibly quicken the pace a little, also the ending is a bit weak and finally in the second paragraph I think you need to switch high and low...
Read full commentPosted in THE ISLAND
I really like this too - you
Posted on Sat, 13 Sep 2014
I really like this too - you've really brought the characters to life - hopefully not so much as they'd notice!
Read full commentPosted in I have no sympathy
Another compelling piece -
Posted on Mon, 08 Sep 2014
Another compelling piece - again I think you could have done a bit more with the ending. Do keep going.
Although this is rated 18, which is fine, the title appears on the home page so must be a U rating. It needs to be either changed, or...
Read full commentPosted in F**k Tuesdays
Thoroughly agree with the
Posted on Fri, 05 Sep 2014
Thoroughly agree with the above. A fascinating picture of both modern America, and mental health. I don't know if you plan to develop this further, but if you do, perhaps take it a bit slower, try not to jump from one thing to another
Read full commentPosted in The Science of Fiction
this kept me glued to the
Posted on Wed, 27 Aug 2014
this kept me glued to the screen - what a fantastic piece of writing!
Read full commentPosted in Spit Out the Bugs in Your Mouth
I think the sparrows theme
Posted on Wed, 13 Aug 2014
I think the sparrows theme works beautifully - a very good piece of writing
Read full commentPosted in Sparrows
I love this poem, but please
Posted on Tue, 01 Jul 2014
I love this poem, but please tell me what a gont is - I have no idea and neither does google!
Read full commentPosted in The Gonts
right, you have a fantastic
Posted on Mon, 30 Jun 2014
right, you have a fantastic ending with this Denzella, and your plot is really developing nicely. Again, you need to work a bit on the dialogue (sorry to go on about it!). Too much with nothing to break it up makes it lose authenticity
Read full commentPosted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Ten - 1177 Words - Updated
this needs a bit of work - it
Posted on Mon, 30 Jun 2014
this needs a bit of work - it rambles a little - definitely worth an edit though - fantastic piece of writing!
Read full commentPosted in Upon My Arrival
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