The Screaming Walls

My name is Isabelle Martin and I am crazy. Not a weird, eccentric, wild crazy, but text book crazy. Well that’s what they tell me anyway.
The doctors diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder at the age of fifteen because of my dramatic change in moods, one minute I’d be bouncing off walls and the next I’d be crying into my pillow, so they gave me some pills to pop and sent me on my way.
To clarify I am absolutely not crazy. What fifteen year old doesn’t have dramatic mood swings and I admit my imagination does run wild on occasion, but since when did a vivid imagination become a reason to be sectioned? And who the hell decides who is crazy anyway? There is nothing wrong with my brain, in my opinion ‘crazy’ people just see the world in a different way, they see things others don’t, maybe everyone else is crazy!
Try telling my parents that, the ironic thing about insanity is the more you try and prove you’re sane the more people worry, so once the doc labels you, you’re in for a life sentence.
However, today I couldn’t feel more normal. It is the day before my wedding and the day before my twenty-first birthday.
I’ve been with Andrew for just over a year and I’ve never felt saner. When he proposed after six months it felt a little rushed, but everyone was so happy I got swept away with everyone’s excitement. I think it was the first time in my life my mum was proud of me.
Andrew is handsome and mature and although he is fifteen years older than me we seem to fit together. He is thoughtful, serious and intelligent. He helps calm me down I suppose. He is also extremely rich! I know that money isn’t supposed to matter but it does give me great satisfaction to show my mother that her so called unstable daughter is marrying an extremely successful business man. I mean how crazy can I be if someone like Andrew is marrying me?
I don’t really know what it is that Andrew does, something to do with buying and selling other businesses, but whenever I ask Andrew he gives me a slightly pitiful look and says, “Don’t you worry your pretty little head.” It does frustrate me when he speaks to me like a child, but in all honesty I’ve never really been that interested in the business world, I just like listening to Andrew. He’s so grown up and sensible, safe I suppose. He’d never let them take me away. I couldn’t bear going back to the hospital and Andrew would never let that happen.
That, I think is why he’s moving us from Oxford to Culbone in Devon. According to Andrew it’s one of the most remote places in England, you can’t even drive to it. There’s a two mile walk to the nearest road. Andrew thinks it’s best to be as far away from my parents as possible because according to him, they are the reason I am the way I am and I suppose I don’t disagree. He’s converted an old barn into a beautiful home, well the pictures look beautiful at least. We’re getting married in the grounds tomorrow and tonight will be the first time I see it.
It feels surreal sitting in the back of a car moving closer to my new future. My perfect future with Andrew.
The car pulled up alongside a narrow walkway leading into an eerie looking forest. A woman, around sixty I’d say, waited in the opening. I opened the car door slightly hesitant to get out, the sun was going down and this woman didn’t have a particularly friendly face. I paid the taxi driver with money Andrew had left with me earlier and walked towards the woman. I looked passed her into the forest which looked never ending and thanked God my luggage had been brought here earlier, the thought of dragging it through the leaves was not too appealing.
“I’m Mrs. Carter dear, Doreen Carter.” Doreen held out her hand and I shook it lazily moving my attention from the trees to the woman’s face. She had a stern look about her. Her face was extremely thin and lined and her eyes were a glassy blue and seemed to have a permanent squint, although when she smiled the harshness disappeared slightly and her smile seemed genuine. I relaxed slightly and smiled back.
“I’m Isabelle.”
“Oh I know that my dear,” she had a thick Devonshire accent which I’d only really heard in nineteenth century dramas on the telly. I felt like I’d been transported back to the olden days if I ignored the baggy jeans and fleece she was wearing. “Andrew hasn’t stopped talking about you!”
That surprised me. I didn’t doubt Andrew’s feelings for me, but it didn’t seem like him to talk about me to someone like Mrs Carter.
“Really?”
“Well he didn’t go into great detail, but he did tell me how pretty you are which I can now see was an understatement.” I smiled at the compliment a little embarrassed. I often get told how pretty I am, but it’s usually said after some sort of insult about my illness or intelligence. I guess everyone has to have something good about them.
“Right we best get going then Izzy, you don’t mind being called Izzy do you?”
“Not at all. My dad used to call me Izzy when I was younger.”
“That’s good then, it’s not a long walk, twenty minutes or so but we best get going as it’s getting dark.”
We walked side by side making small talk about the weather and the wedding planning until we drifted into a comfortable silence.
The forest was full, but had a clear walkway which seemed made for hikers and cyclists. I love the woods, there’s nothing more relaxing than the light ruffle of the leaves in the breeze, the fresh smell of wild flowers and the dark mystery that lay amongst the trees. I couldn’t help but stare into the darkness and wait for my eyes to adjust. As they did I saw a face behind a tree to my left. I stopped and stared. The face stared at me from behind the bark until I realised the face was in the bark. The grains of wood creating its features began to shift and swirl into something ugly. I shut my eyes tightly and waited. It’s happening again. I could still see the growling features in my mind, pull yourself together Isabelle said a voice in my mind and when my eyes opened and my vision cleared the face was gone. Doreen was staring at me, a worried expression in her eyes.
“You OK dear?”
“Fine. I think I’m just a bit overwhelmed, you know with the travelling today and the wedding tomorrow.”
Doreen nodded but the expression of concern didn’t leave her face. She walked slightly ahead of me the rest of the way.
The walk took no time at all and before I knew it the forest opened out into a gravel road and I could just make out the outline of a tiny village in the darkness. It was only 7pm, but it seemed so dark here compared to Oxford. There was only one street lamp outside a tiny pub at the far end of the road, the rest of the light came from the thousands of stars in the sky. I’d never seen so many stars; I began to wonder if it was my mind playing tricks on me again until Doreen spoke.
“Beautiful isn’t it. No matter how much people rave about the city you don’t get skies like this anywhere but here.”
The house was situated at the far end of the village, the furthest away from the woods and the long driveway made it seem almost intimidating. I couldn’t really make it out in the darkness and Doreen insisted we go in the back door so I could avoid seeing Andrew on the way in.
“You know its bad luck to see each other before the special day. This way we can get you straight up to your room and get you settled in for your beauty sleep.”
And that’s exactly what happened. I was shuffled in so quickly I barely got to take in my surroundings. The only thing that really struck me was the large spiralled staircase which was situated right in the centre of the large hallway. It seemed a strange place for a staircase and its shape reminded me of a snake weaving its way up the body of the house. It seemed less beautiful now than it did when I was looking through the pictures. Maybe it would be different in the daylight.
The guest room I was staying in was on the third floor of the house. It was the only room up there. Doreen showed me in; although she didn’t come in she popped her head around the door and looked it as if to make sure everything was ready.
“Now you need to get your beauty sleep. I’ll be in tomorrow morning to help get you ready. You going to be OK dear?”
“Yes fine. Thanks Doreen.” And with that she was gone and I was alone. The room was dimly lit by a lamp on one of the mahogany bedside tables and I could smell the fresh wood giving away how new the house really was. Everything was wood. The walls were dark with intricate patterns carved throughout and the furniture looked antiquated. There was a small window along the back wall which looked directly out to the stars. It comforted me to have the extra light. Everything else seemed so big and monstrous the small window reminded me of my bedroom at home.
I walked over to the bed, which was only a single. It seemed strange to make everything in the room so big and have such a small bed. It seemed dwarfed in comparison to the rest of the furniture. I sat on it and as I looked opposite hanging on the door of the wardrobe I saw it. My wedding dress.
It was the first time I’d seen it since I tried it on three months ago. For some reason as soon as I saw it my stomach churned. A nervousness I hadn’t yet felt came over me and I felt a bit sick. My pills had been placed on the bedside table. I stared at them, they usually help with my nerves, but I hadn’t taken them for over two weeks. I hadn’t told anyone though. They would force feed them to me, or crush them up in my food and I didn’t want to be babied any more. They completely numb me; I can’t feel anything real when I take them. It’s as if life is happening all around me and I can’t be part of it. I want to be part of it, I want a life and more importantly I want to feel my emotions on my wedding day. I slipped them into the drawer and slammed it shut.
I collapsed back on the bed and stared at the ceiling letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
I must have fallen asleep as when I woke it so was dark I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face. The lamp had somehow been turned off and I struggled to find the switch. Eventually I clicked the light back on and took in my surroundings once again. I felt unnerved being in such a strange place. Maybe if I had seen Andrew I would have felt a bit more comfortable, I wonder where he was sleeping. I could go and look for him.
I stood up and walked to the door turning the brass handle as quickly as I could. The door wouldn’t open. It was locked. Someone had locked me in.
I started to panic and I could feel the headache coming on. I clutched my head in my hands trying to keep it away. The window! Air, I needed air. My fingers scratched at the window panes trying to pry them open. They wouldn’t budge, the window didn’t open. There was no handle.
I turned and stared at the room and it seemed to come alive before me. The wood grain in the walls began to move, it formed shapes of faces, hundreds and hundreds of faces talking and screaming and growling at me. It was getting louder and louder until everywhere I turned they were there, staring at me. I could feel my heart pounding as if about to burst out of my chest. Breathing became difficult, I was gasping as if every breath could be my last.
I looked over at my wedding dress hoping it would provide some comfort, but it didn’t look the same. The lace had been torn to ribbons and the veil seemed to float on top like a ghost. It seemed to float towards me, getting closer and closer until I was backed into the corner of the room. I looked up to the window praying for it to fly open and let me out, but instead the sky outside turned blood red and seemed to seep in through the cracks in the wood turning the faces into a sea of blood. It was as if the walls were closing in all around me and all I could hear was the screaming, the constant screaming.
I was then aware of hands around my shoulders, finger nails piercing my skin pulling me onto the bed. I was thrown down and a hand was slapped across my mouth. My eyes flew open and I saw Doreen, a frantic expression on her face. The room was silent again and as I lay still she cautiously removed her hand.
“Isabelle you must be quiet. You’ll wake the whole house.”
“But the screaming Doreen. You must have heard the screaming.” My voice was a hoarse whisper.
“Yes dear. You have quite a set of lungs on you. I could hear you from the other side of the house.”
“The door was locked, and then the walls...”
“What about the walls? Andrew asked me to lock the door. He said you sometimes get night terrors and to be quite honest I doubted him until now. You gave me quite a fright.”
I was about to protest, to explain the things I’d seen to Doreen, but when I looked behind her to see my wedding dress in perfect condition, hanging beautifully on the wardrobe door I decided to stay silent.
Doreen tucked me into bed like a child and I didn’t really mind. I felt safe with her there and didn’t want her to leave.
“Don’t look the door please. I get a bit... claustrophobic.”
Doreen gave me the same worried look she had in the woods.
“OK.” She said after a while, “Goodnight Izzy... and... happy birthday.”