Horror In The Smallest Room

To:  raymondsmythe@letternet.com

From: sprenticewriter@prenmail.com

8 May 2018

Dear Mr Smythe

     Thank you for your email and very kind remarks about my novels.  I must however point out that Lizzie Lewis – Ghost Banisher is an entirely fictional character and I do not myself perform exorcisms.  Perhaps your local church could help?

     Kind regards

     Suzanne Prentice

     Author

 

To:  raymondsmythe@letternet.com

From:  sprenticewriter@prenmail.com

15 May 2018

Dear Mr Smythe

     I am sorry to hear that the church referred you to a psychiatrist.  I suppose they have to cover all bases.  I’m afraid that I do not have any ‘exorcist pals’.  As I explained, Lizzie Lewis – Ghost Banisher is a fictional creation.  I am sure there will be information on the internet that could help you, or you could try the Society for Psychical Research?

     Kind regards

     Suzanne Prentice

     Author

 

To:  Raymond Smythe

From: S Prentice

2 June 2018

Dear Mr Smythe

     Thank you for your latest email, and for travelling all the way from Aylesbury to York for my book signing. It was very interesting to meet you.  I am sorry you were disappointed that I do not look like a medium or an exorcist.  As previously stated, Lizzie Lewis – Ghost Banisher is not me.  Yes, she is younger than I am.   The photograph of me used on the book jackets is part of a long-standing branding strategy.  No-one has ever failed to recognise me before.

     Honestly, I do not believe it would be helpful for me to visit your home, even with exclusive rights to publish the story.

     Kind Regards

     Suzanne Prentice

     Author

 

To:  Raymond Smythe

From: S Prentice

6 June 2018

Hi Raymond

     Well, that is an extremely generous offer.  Of course, you are completely correct when you say that writers are always motivated by artistic rather than pecuniary considerations.

     Artistically speaking, I have been re-examining the details you sent me and they do, it must be said, bear a certain resemblance to the events of the third Lizzie Lewis novel, The Spirit of the Camphor Wood Chest.  Obviously I do very detailed research for all my novels – I certainly do not have a quick trip round Google – so it may be that I could offer some advice.  I will be happy to come to Aylesbury the weekend after next, as you suggest, for the sum you mentioned plus travelling and hotel expenses.

     Warmest regards

     Suzanne

 

To:  Raymond Smythe

From:  S Prentice

5 July 2018

Dear Raymond

     I am sorry to hear that the incantations I suggested (I would take issue with the word ‘prescribed’) have so far proved unsuccessful.  As I explained on my visit, your manifestation was not as similar to The Spirit of the Camphor Wood Chest as you originally described.

     Raymond, I have always made it clear that Lizzie Lewis – Ghost Banisher is a fictional character, and I never claimed to have actually seen a ghost myself.  The events in your bathroom were entirely outside my experience.  I would imagine they are outside most people’s experience.  I do not recall ever, in the course of my research, coming across such a scatalogically-minded spirit, or one with such a proclivity to manifest in such personally intimate circumstances.  Yes, I can understand how this might cause you to feel uncomfortable when using the facilities – it certainly had that effect on me – with unfortunate consequences for your health.  My grandmother used to say that senna pods were very effective.  I am sure you can get preparations over the counter at Boots.

     I do not feel that it would be appropriate for me to return the fee, or the expenses.  I am, of course, sorry about the hotel, but it was the only one with vacancies for that night, possibly not surprising at those prices.  Similarly, I could only reserve a seat in First Class on the train, all the rest were taken, and I am sure you would not expect me to risk having to stand from York to Kings Cross, with the prospect of having to rush between Kings Cross and Marylebone and then stand again between Marylebone and Aylesbury.  And likewise on the return.  I did explain to you that I no longer drive long distances.

     I shall ignore your comments about venality and mendacity, because I understand you are under some strain at the moment.

     Regards

     Suzanne Prentice

     Author

 

To:  Raymond Smythe

From:  S Prentice

14 July 2018

Dear Mr Smythe

     Thank you for your three emails.  I am working on the final edits for the latest Lizzie Lewis novel, so my time is really not my own at the moment.

     You can be assured that I do not intend to turn the events of my visit into a Lizzie Lewis adventure.  Indeed, once this book (The Flat-Pack Horror) is completed, I am taking a break from fiction and moving into more factually based work.  Artistically speaking, I feel that investigating and writing about real life paranormal events is an area I have sadly neglected.  Channel 5 have expressed an interest in a series, with visits to sites of interest both in this country and abroad.

     I must also ask you to please stop phoning.  As I explained, my schedule is very full at the moment, so I am sure you will understand why I have taken measures on both my mobile and my landline to reject your calls.

     Regards

     S Prentice

     Author

 

To:  raymondsmythe@letternet.com

From:  sprenticewriter@prenmail.com

3 August 2020

Dear Mr Smythe

     I was surprised to hear from you again, after all this time.  No, my visit to your former home does not feature in either the book or the TV series The Real Lizzie Lewis Investigates.  I don’t know why you would think that.  I never even mention Aylesbury, as a quick check of the book’s index will show.  Other bathrooms have ghosts, you know.

     Good luck with your proposed novel.  I fear, however, that you will find that ‘a second-rate writer of tawdry supernatural thrillers’ will not be everybody’s idea of a convincing villain.

     I am sorry to hear that your house sold for so low a price, but I completely reject the idea that the photographs in The Real Lizzie Lewis Investigates were in any way responsible.  I asked my editor to come up with a stock picture of a suitable house for the story about the lavatory ghost, one that would not identify the property where the events took place (of course the similarities were coincidental, there is limited scope for ghostly activities in that setting, and I would point out that this ghost was specifically located in a small ensuite, not a proper bathroom).  I had no idea that the house depicted was yours.  You are perfectly free to consider legal action if you wish, but I would point out, for your own benefit, that lawyers are very expensive. 

     I hope you are enjoying life in your new home.  I have been told that there are advantages to a much smaller property.  I know that I sometimes look around my own new house and wonder whether all that extra space is worth it.

     Thank you again for keeping in touch.  However, I do think that we should now consider this correspondence closed.

     Regards

     S Prentice

     Author and Television Presenter