Craven Danger
By hudsonmoon
Craven Danger - the Gumshoe Tales
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A Boris Buttinski Christmas
Gather ‘round kiddies, ‘cause I got a story I wanna tell ya. Rudy the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose, see? And if ya ever saw it, you would even say it glowed
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- 1995 reads
A Case of the Booze - A Craven Danger Mystery
Had to run this this tale over with a steamroller and get some of the wrinkles out.
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A Case of the Booze II - A Craven Danger Mystery
Note: I had the broom out anyway, so I decided to do some sweeping. Rich
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A Close Shave - Part 1 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher climbed the stairs to the second floor office and heard the jangling of the telephone. She unlocked the door and hung her coat on the rack.
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A Close Shave - Part 10 - A Craven Danger Mystery
This young lady is Betty Fletcher,” said Mrs. Danger. “She’s Craven’s assistant. “You intoxicate me with your fragrance,” said Thelma. “What is it you’re wearing?”
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A Close Shave - Part 11 - A Craven Danger Mystery
All was dark in the paddy wagon as it sped its way to the police station.
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A Close Shave - Part 12 - A Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty, Thelma and the Danger family were led into the courtroom, where a matron ushered them to a front row pew.
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A Close Shave - Part 2 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger sat in the barber’s chair and did what he always did when he got his haircut. Closed his eyes and hoped for the best.
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A Close Shave - Part 3 - A Craven Danger Mystery
In a neat little cape cod house in the Bronx there dwell many Dangers. Mollie Danger put the kettle on to boil and sat at the breakfast table to face the morning weather.
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A Close Shave - Part 4 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger dialed Betty Fletcher’s home number for a third time. This time she answered the phone. “Oh, good” said Craven. “You’re back. I been tryin’ ta call ya for an hour.”
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A Close Shave - Part 5 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Sidney Green pulled up to the curb and waited for Betty Fletcher and Craven Danger. FDR, the old German Shepard, sat next to him in the front seat.
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A Close Shave - Part 6 - A Craven Danger Mystery
“How many times I gotta tell ya?” said Betty. “Ya brother’s not gonna be there. I called ya mother an’ she told me so. Now get in the cab before I take my cookie back.”
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A Close Shave - Part 7 - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Craven!” said Mollie Danger. “Hi, ya, Ma!” said Craven.
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A Close Shave - Part 8 - A Craven Danger Mystery
A bowl of Autumn colored mums sat on the white table cloth, surrounded by four place settings set in front of four hungry people.
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A Close Shave - Part 9 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Thelma Theodoracopulos was not enjoying the company of the man who came by for one of her special readings.
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A Coney Island Saturday with Sidney Green
Betty sat in the back of Sidney Green’s taxi and poured out a glass of iced tea. ”Here ya go,” said Betty.
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A Sucker Seduced - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Good mornin’!” said Betty Fletcher into the receiver. "Craven Danger, private detective. Betty speaking. How may I help ya.”
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A Sucker Seduced - Part IX - A Craven Danger Mystery
Getting hungry, and having lost her patience waiting for Mr. Worthington, Betty Fletcher went off in search of Sidney Green.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part X - A Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher tossed a Christmas snow globe from one hand to the next before deciding to give it a prominent place on a short stack of Movie Star magazines.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part II - A Craven Danger Mystery
Just Hoovered a little bit of this, and a little bit of that.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part III - A Craven Danger Mystery
A little tidying up.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part IV - A Craven Danger Mystery
Jonathan T. Winthrop was an old hound dog whose bark had long been laid to rest. But he still had some of his wits about him.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part V - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Pull over, Sidney,” said Betty. “I think this is it.” “I hope so, Miss,” said Sidney. “My hemorrhoids doth protest too much, methinks.” “They doth?” said Betty.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part VI - A Craven Danger Mystery
“But what about Mr. Worthington in the elevator shaft?” said Betty.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part VII - A Craven Danger Mystery
An edited version. Wherein Miss Tanner changes her tone. She was being much too nice.
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A Sucker Seduced - Part VIII - A Craven Danger Mystery
Sidney Green sat in the Worthington kitchen enjoying his inflated donut and coffee.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 10 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Herbert Sampson accepted the flowers from the delivery girl and glanced over at Craven Danger, who was seated in the passenger seat of her truck. “That your boyfriend?”
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 11 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger sat sipping his root beer as Betty walked into the coffee shop. He hadn’t noticed her come in. But Betty noticed plenty.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 12 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher settled herself in the back of the cab, then suddenly turned and planted a firm one on Craven’s chin.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 3 - A Craven Danger Mystery
There is a locker at Grand Central Terminal. In it are the belongings of Hortense Rosenthal. Philanthropist. Philosopher.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 4 - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Hop in, Mr. Danger,” said Sidney Green. “Grand Central Station here we come. You goin’ on a little trip? Helluva time to be goin’ anywhere’s. Rainin’ pins and needles out there.”
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 5 - A Craven Danger Mystery
This is an edited version. I had to chisel a few hundred words off this beast. I made the mistake of thinking I was actually writing a mystery and not the nonsense I had intended.
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- 1986 reads
A Touch of Lavender - Part 7 - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Tickets!” said the conductor. “Have your tickets ready!” Damn, thought Craven Danger. What did I do with that ticket? “Ticket, sir.”
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 8 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher sat in the back of Sidney Green’s taxi and rolled down the window. “I love this fall weather, Sidney,” said Betty. ”It‘s so simulatin‘.”
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 1 - A Craven Danger Mystery
A few alterations.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 13 - A Craven Danger Mystery
A slight edit. Wherein a moron trumps imbecilic.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 14 - A Craven Danger Mystery
“I’m feelin’ a draft under this sheet,” said Sidney. “Well, who told you to take off your pants?” said Craven.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 15 - A Craven Danger Mystery
In through the back door, and into kitchen, crept three sleuthing ghosts. Hell bent on justice.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 16 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Herbert Sampson soaked in a tub of lavender oil. Dead as the autumn leaves that skidded across his front lawn. Only he didn’t know it yet.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 17- A Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Geez, Sidney,” said Betty, “when’s the last time you washed those shorts?”
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 2 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher tried to shake Craven Danger awake. But he was having none of it. So she grabbed a blanket and pillow from the coat closet and made him comfortable on the office sofa.
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 6 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher sat at her desk and flicked the switch on her intercom. “Mr. Danger?” ”Yes, Betty?”
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A Touch of Lavender - Part 9 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Herbert Sampson looked like a man who had never known a hug. When he answered the door for the delivery girl it was all he could do to say thank you, much less reach into his pocket for a tip.
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A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 1 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty fletcher flipped the switch on the intercom. “Mr. Danger,” said Betty. “Ya got a minute?”
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A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 2 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger knew he was having that dream again. That dream where Betty fletcher becomes his bride. But in past dreams it was always he who was doing the proposing.
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A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 3 - A Craven Danger Mystery
The naked man on the ledge reached his hand out to Craven Danger. “Please?” he said. “Hand over the pants. This is getting embarrassing.”
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A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 4 - A Craven Danger Mystery
In 1942, when Betty Fletcher was in high school, she fell hard for a boy named Jeffrey Drucker. “It’s been a long time, Betty,” said Jeffrey. “You look great.”
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A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 5 - A Craven Danger Mystery
The back of Sidney’s cab was silent as he made his way through Central Park. Without a word, Sidney passed a Thermos of coffee and two Paper cups back to Betty. “Thanks,” said Betty.
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A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 6 - A Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger flipped the switch on the intercom.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 2 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher buckled Craven into his seat. “Just calm down, Mr. Danger,” said Betty. “Why didn’t ya tell me ya never flew in a plane before?”
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- 1140 reads
A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 1 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher flipped the switch on her intercom. “Mr. Danger?” “Yeah, Betty?”
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 10 - A Craven Danger Mystery
The hypnotist asked the participants on stage if they would close their eyes and think of a favorite childhood pastime.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 11 - A Craven Danger Mystery
The girl in the fruit salad hat then held tight to her pineapple. It was the only thing that remained in her horn of plenty bonnet.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 3 - A Craven Danger Mystery
In their room at the Tropical Splendor hotel, Boris Jones stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. “Mother of mercy!” said Boris. “Is this the end of Rico!”
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 4 - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Nice tie,” said Boris. The four vacationers sat around a pool-side table at Tropical Splendor’s Sandy Shore dining room.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 5 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty and Judy had coffee on the terrace outside of Betty Fletcher’s hotel room. “That was some left hook you throw at Danger last night,” said Judy.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 6 - A Craven Danger Mystery
When Craven Danger stepped onto the terrace of his hotel room he noticed his pants flying away. Then he saw the bird.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 7 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger hopped into the backseat of Sidney Green’s taxi, and squeezed in between Betty and Judy, neither of whom would give up their window seat. “We get car sick,” said Betty.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 8 - A Craven Danger Mystery
In the trunk of a yellow Mercedes convertible coupe there slept a man who should have minded his own business.
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A Word to the Wiseguy - Part 9 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Had to get out the broom and sweep away some errors.
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A Word to the Wisguy - Part 12 - A Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
By the time our heroes came across the yellow Mercedes convertible parked at the pier, Boris Buttinski was out of the trunk and heading to the end of the pier.
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Betty and Grumbles - Part One of Three - A Craven Danger Mystery
I now decided It has to be part one of three, not two. I don't know who's more clueless. Me or Craven.
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Betty and Grumbles - Part Two of Three - A Craven Danger Mystery.
Soon after his meeting with Max Fritter, Craven Danger stepped out of his office to tell Betty they were going to Coney Island in search of Reuben Stuttered, the singing guitar player.
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Craven Danger - True Detective
“Betty?” said Craven into the intercom. Betty flipped the answer switch and paused.
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Craven Danger at the Crossroads - Part Four - A Conclusion
“Please have a seat, Mr. Danger,” said principle Starch. Craven Danger took a look at the paddle hanging over the bookcase and winced.
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Craven Danger at the Crossroads - Part One
“Please have a seat, Mr. Danger,” said the woman. “Thanks,” said Craven. “This is all so new ta me. I’m a little bit nervous."
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Craven Danger at the Crossroads - Part Three
“Aren’t you a little old to be sent to the principle’s office?” said the little girl. “It wasn’t my fault,” said Craven. “It was that Billy Munson, the little bully!”
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Craven Danger at the Crossroads - Part Two
“All you have to do,” said the school attendant at St. Ignatius elementary school, “is to make sure no student gets run over. It’s simple. This is your stop sign and this is your whistle.
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Craven Danger Gets Knocked by Wood
Betty ran across the hall to Maxwell Fritter’s talent agency to get some ice for Craven Danger. Max was a man who liked to keep plenty of ice on hand. Not for drinks, though.
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Craven Danger on the Rocks
“The usual, Mr. Danger?” said the bartender. “Yeah,” said Craven. “The usual. And don’t forget to load ‘er up this time.” “Comin' right up.”
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Craven Danger on the Run - Part Five
(A slight edit.) Craven Danger took aim and fired. “Hold still,” said Betty. “Don’t move a muscle. I see what your problem is, Mr. Danger.”
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Craven Danger on the Run - Part Four
Driving his cab across the George Washington bridge into New Jersey, Sidney Green kept one eye on the road and one eye on FDR, his German Shepard.
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Craven Danger on the Run - Part Seven - A Conclusion - Of Sorts
The chauffeur got out of the driver’s seat of the long black limo, opened the rear passenger door, and out stepped Randolph Rockport.
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Craven Danger on the Run - Part Six
Had to pull this story in for spelling without a license. Won't I never leern?
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Craven Danger on the Run - Part Three
“I make ya feel insecure, inadequate and inferior?” said Betty. “I gotta tell ya, Mr. Danger, and please don’t take this too personal.
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Craven Danger on the Run - Part Two
“So let me get this straight,” said Dr. Retch.
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Craven Danger on the Run- Part One
Craven Danger dodged one bullet. Than another. He ducked into a dark alley, turned on his heels and fired his weapon. Click! Click! Click!
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Danger vs. Danger - The Betty Chronicles
“What are you doin’?” said Craven. “What does it look like I’m doing?” said the man. “You’re scraping my name off the door.”
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Jelly Donuts and Drunken Ducks - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Did you find anything in the classifieds, George?” “I did, Helen.” said her husband. “And I think we may have found our man. It says here, Craven Danger, Private Detective
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Laugh, Clown, Laugh - The Betty Chronicles
How to sweep away some errors in this sordid tale.
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On the Good Ship Sharone - A Craven Danger Mystery
Don't mind me. I'm doing a little sweeping up of the ship.
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On the Good Ship Sharone II - A Craven Danger Mystery
For the first time in three years, Craven Danger stepped out through the front door of his office building without having to duck a hail storm of loose furniture and verbal abuse.
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On the Good Ship Sharone III - A Craven Danger Mystery
Don't mind me. I'm just sweeping ship again.
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On the Good Ship Sharone IV - The Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
Just sweeping barnacles off the deck. Pesky little things.
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Smelly Shorts - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger sat at his desk and pressed the button on his intercom. “Betty?” said Craven. “Yes, Mr. Danger?” said his secretary. “Where’s my bottle of scotch?”
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The Case of Fruit - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher had a lot on her mind. She was taking a night-course in math and was sitting at her desk studying for an exam. ”Mr. Danger,” she said over the intercom.
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The Punch Line - The Betty Chronicles
Betty Danger flipped the switch on the intercom and told Craven Danger a joke. Craven Danger took a long sip of his coffee, and put the fly swatter down.
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The Singing Santa - Part 1 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger flicked the switch on his intercom. “Betty?” “Yeah, Mr. Danger?” “I’m bored,” said Craven.
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The Singing Santa - Part 2 - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Mr. Danger!” said Betty. “I got ya a job! And ya don’t gotta solve a thing. All ya gotta do is sing, just like ya do in the office when ya think no one’s listening.”
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The Singing Santa - Part 3 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher climbed into the front seat of Sidney Green’s cab. “Hi ya, Sidney,” said Betty. “Where’s FDR?”
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The Singing Santa - Part 4 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger took a seat on the number six downtown train and fiddled with his ukulele. “Are you gonna sing to your reindeer?” said a little girl sitting opposite.
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The Singing Santa - Part 5 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher and Sidney Green stood at the foot of the Empire State Building and gazed up. “Ya think a big monkey could really climb this thing,” said Betty.
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The Singing Santa - Part 6 - A Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger took a corner seat near the band stand and waited. “Just cool your heels right here, daddy-o," said the bandleader. “You’ll be on during our breaks.”
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True Confessions - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Fletcher leaned forward and pushed the button on her intercom. “Mr. Danger?” said Betty. “Yes?” said Craven Danger. “Would you come into my office, please.”
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- 2410 reads
A Case of the Frights - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Danger placed her witches hat on the desk and flipped the switch on the intercom. “I didn’t mean ta scare ya, Mr. Danger,” said Betty. “Honest...
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- 1609 reads
Gone Before His Time - A Craven Danger Mystery
The elevated train came to a screeching halt above me. I bounded up the stairs three steps at a time. When I reached the top step I drew my weapon...
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- 2432 reads
King Kong For a Day - A Craven Danger Mystery
The great detective lifted the fiery red-head off her feet and carried her every step of the way to the top of the Empire State Building. “One step...
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- 2243 reads
Diamonds and Jelly Beans - A Craven Danger Mystery
The taxi careened down Fifth Avenue at break-neck speed; running red light after red light as the terrified holiday shoppers screamed and scattered...
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- 1128 reads
Sidney Takes Leicester Square - Part 1 - A Craven Danger Mystery
The talkative taxi driver cruised through Times Square. It was a Saturday night. A good night for fares. People were drunk and care-free. Drunk with...
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- 583 reads
Sidney Takes Leicester Square - Part Two - A Craven Danger Mystery
“But I’ll tell ya about London first. That was the fun part of the war. The rest I’d rather not talk about. Leicester Square. Now that’s something to...
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- 1098 reads
Sidney Takes Leicester Square - Part 3 and Conclusion - A Craven Danger Mystery
“We no sooner hit the dance floor when I lose one of my shoes. And wouldn’t you know it had to be the good one. Well, there was so many jitter-...
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- 3119 reads
Was the Night Before Christmas, See?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX3m46PsRqU It was the night before Christmas, see? When all thru da flat Not a critter was fussin’ Not one smelly...
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- 11639 reads
Santa Betty - A Craven Danger Mystery
The December night was cold and snowy as the street-corner Santa’s stood watch over their collection buckets and wished the bustling passersby a...
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- 1316 reads
Phooey On Sunshine and Daisies - A Craven Danger Mystery
Hello. My name is Craven Danger. And I'm a detective. But I'm clueless when it comes to love. What's it all mean, anyway? Betty says the whole...
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- 4372 reads
Black and White - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger flipped the switch on his intercom. "Betty?" "Yeah, Mr. Danger?" "Didn't I ask you to bring me the newspaper?" "I seem ta remember ya...
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- 2089 reads
The Bag of Dishes - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Hey, mister!” Craven Danger spun around on his heels and looked down at the street urchin. “What do want, kid. I’m in a hurry.” “Ya clumsy oaf! Ya...
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- 1745 reads
Read All About It! - A Craven Danger Mystery
"Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Get ya mornin’ paper here!” “Read all about what?” said Craven Danger. The newspaper boy eyed the private detective...
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- 3162 reads
Was the Night Before Christmas, See? - The Video - a re-post from last year
This is a re-post from last Christmas. I thought I'd try to spread a little cheer this season. Wishing you all nothing but the most wonderful things...
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- 835 reads
I Forgot All About That - A Craven Danger Mystery
A special thanks to Stan for challenging me to write a parody of the Lerner and Loewe song I Remember It Well from Gigi. I Forgot All About That...
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- 906 reads
The Scrambled Eggplant - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Who ain't got a sense of humor?" said Craven Danger. "I got more senses of humor than a flop house got booze hounds." "Ya gotta sense a humor like...
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- 4752 reads
The Summer I Lost My Nerve IP - A Craven Danger Mystery
How I get myself into these jams I’ll never know. But there I was, sittin’ on the Cyclone at Coney Island with Betty. She says I ain’t got the nerve...
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- 1418 reads
The Short and Sweet of Craven and Betty - One
"How many times do I have to tell ya, Betty? Ain't ain't a word." "Sorry, Mr. Danger. Let me repeat myself at the risk of soundin' de ja viewic." "De...
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- 1464 reads
The Craven Danger Radio Hour Video - Part One - The Biggest Gun
Thought I'd take a stab at bringing Craven to life. http://youtu.be/3IGnMydJQDk The Craven Danger Radio Hour In Under Five Minutes D Craven Danger,...
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- 1359 reads
The Craven Danger Radio Hour Video - Part Two _ The Biggest Gun Goes British
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-3qnZnuoWo The Craven Danger Radio Hour In Under Five Minutes D Craven Danger, where are you? G I’m in trouble D Won...
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- 1491 reads
Java Jive with Craven Danger
"Hey, brother, can ya spare a dime? I'm a little down on my luck." "Let's see," said Craven. "How about a buffalo-head nickel and two Indian-head...
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- 9 comments
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- 1870 reads
Hortense and Manny - Part One - A Craven Danger Mystery
"Where ya off to, Mr. Danger?" "I'll be back in two shakes of a lion's tail, Betty." "You better not be messin' with that new private detective Manny...
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- 1232 reads
Hortense and Manny - Part Two - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger flipped the switch on his intercom. “I know I’m no brainiac, Betty, but--” “And no one’s ever gonna accuse ya, neither, Mr. Danger. Not...
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- 769 reads
Hortense and Manny - Part Three - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger put his hat over his face and plopped down on the second floor landing of the building housing the offices of Manny Moreso, private...
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- 2274 reads
The Last-Time Letter with Song - A Craven Danger Mystery
Dear Betty, This is the last time I write you a last-time letter tellin' you the things I just can't say to your pretty kisser. Because the last time...
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- 1161 reads
In the Dark Again - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Felcher flipped the switch on the office intercom. "Mr. Danger?" "Yeah, Betty, what is it?" "What kinda name is Craven? Sounds depraved." "Well...
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- 15 comments
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- 3535 reads
Me Ol' China Joe - Part One - A Craven Danger Mystery
London, 1 September 1948 Sidney Green pulled his cab up to the curb and honked the horn. "You mind tellin' me again why we hadda haul this cab all...
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- 1540 reads
Me Ol' China Joe - Part Two - A Craven Danger Mystery
London, 1 September 1948 At The Hangman’s Noose on the Thames, Craven Danger hung his head over the railing and lost his morning breakfast in the...
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- 1990 reads
Me Ol' China Joe - Part Three of Three - A Craven Danger Mystery
London, 1 September 1948 At the Hangman's Noose on the Thames Betty took in the view from her table overlooking the river. I give Mr. Danger five...
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- 1515 reads
A Halloween Kiss - A Craven Danger Mystery
As soon as his hair calmed down, Craven Danger took aim and fired another round. Fortunately, his aim was its usual pointless self, and his intended...
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- 1153 reads
A Craven Christmas
The snow fell in carefree flakes on the shoulders of the holiday shoppers outside Macy’s department store. “Hey, Betty. How do we know that guy in...
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- 12 comments
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- 3311 reads
Sunday in the Park with Craven
Sunday in the Park with Craven Central Park A Sunny day in April, 1948 “Step right up! Get your red hot poems here! Only two bits a piece! I write ‘...
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- 10 comments
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- 2377 reads
The Scrambled Detective - A Craven Danger Mystery
The Scrambled Detective All my life has been a silly dream with a lousy pay day and plenty of days off. Maybe I wasn’t born to be a detective at all...
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- 3291 reads
A Case of the Glums - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Feelin’ any better yet, Mr. Danger?” “Nah, Betty, I still got a case a the glums. It’s enough ta make a guy wonder why he was ever put on this...
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- 9 comments
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- 2602 reads
Father Mulrooney - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was—” “Yeah, I know, Craven. It was twenty minutes ago. I ain’t even had a chance to wipe...
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- 10 comments
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- 2579 reads
Besotted - A Craven Danger Mystery
“What else besides, ‘He died on Tuesday, and good riddance,’ would you like to put in this obituary before it goes to the printer? Seems like it’s...
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- 765 reads
A Wiseguy Christmas - A Craven Danger Mystery
"Shine, mister?" “Aren't you a little young to be pulling down a day job?" said Craven. "Shouldn't you be in school, dunking some little sweetie's...
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- 2352 reads
Take Me Out of the Ball Game - A Craven Danger Mystery
April 6, 1946 “Strike Three! Yer out!” “What! Are ya blind?” said Craven Danger. “That ball was so far inside I thought it was tryin’ ta kiss me!”...
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- 1372 reads
Take Me Out of the Ballgame II - A Craven Danger Mystery
Big Ben Bronski of Hell’s Kitchen stood in the batters box, listening to the taunts of the sparkling firecracker in the stands. He pointed his bat at...
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- 1016 reads
Hot Diggity Dog! A Craven Danger Mystery
“Please to bask in the glory of my extraordinary efforts, my friend!” “What the heck is that guy in a sweat about, Betty?” “He wants you to buy one...
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- 2059 reads
Junior G-Man - A Craven Danger Mystery
Craven Danger raised his rolled up newspaper and gave the desk a mighty whack. “I hate spiders!” “Well, let me tell ya somethin’,” said Betty, “he...
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- 7 comments
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- 1575 reads
The Grave Digger - A Craven Danger Mystery
Here comes Gravedigger again. Look at him. Positively drooling to break ground and put another notch on that old garrison belt of his. Singing under...
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- 1899 reads
Mustard Stains and Pigeon Poop - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Thank you,” said Craven Danger. Betty flipped the switch on her intercom. “Who ya thankin’ in there, Mr. Danger? Ain’t nobody in the office but us...
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- 1233 reads
Hang On To Your Fedora - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Lose the fedora,” said the big boss at the warehouse. “Night watchmen don’t wear no fedoras.” “But I ain’t myself without my fedora.” “And you ain’t...
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- 2004 reads
Craven Gets Stooled - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Hey, mister!“ said the boy. ”I was just gonna buy that!” Private investigator Craven Danger pulled the comic book closer to his nose and avoided eye...
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- 2238 reads
Benny the Lout - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty watched as Benny the Lout slouched over Craven Danger’s desk and hurled abuse at the private investigator. “Look here, powder puff!” said Benny...
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- 5280 reads
White Fedora - A Craven Danger Mystery
Lucy Drake sat across from Craven Danger and lit a cigarette. “Ashtray?” “Receptacle!” said Craven. “What?” said Mrs. Drake. “Sorry, ma’am. I thought...
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- 14 comments
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- 3459 reads
The Nutty Detective - Part I - A Craven Danger Mystery
Private investigator Craven Danger sniffed the air in his office, made a face, then stepped out into the hallway. “What’s that smell?” “I‘m mopping...
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- 2043 reads
The Nutty Detective - Part II - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty Felcher flipped the switch on her intercom. “Mr. Danger?” Craven Danger took a bite of his toasted corn muffin and sat back in his chair. “Mr...
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- 2174 reads
The Nutty Detective - Part III - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Mornin’, Betty. Sorry I’m late with the coffee. But I got to thinkin’ about yesterday and how I shouldn’t have thrown them Baker Street Irritaters...
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- 882 reads
The Nutty Detective IV - Craven's Moriarty Complex - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Hey, Betty. What’s this letter doin’ on my desk?” “Is it movin’?” “No.” “Than it ain’t doin’ nothin’.” If I wanted to listen ta wisecracks, thought...
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- 700 reads
The Nutty Detective V - Craven's Moriarty Complex - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty, where the heck is Sidney? You said he’d give us a ride to the bowlin’ alley? And now it’s rainin’ all over my fedora!” “Stop grumblin’, Mr...
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- 340 reads
The Nutty Detective VI - the Moriarty Complex - A Craven Danger Mystery
Meanwhile, at the asylum. . . “As I see it,” said Holmes. “All I need do is wiggle my way down the drainpipe and freedom is mine for the taking!” “...
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- 441 reads
Moonlight on the Hudson - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Where the blue of the night, meets the gold of the day, someone waits for me. . .” “Mr. Danger?” “Yeah, Betty?” “When you get done torturing the...
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- 829 reads
Craven Gets Stooled- Repost with Audio
https://soundcloud.com/hudsonmoon/craven-gets-stooled “Hey, mister!“ said the boy. ”I was just gonna buy that!” Private investigator Craven Danger...
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- 971 reads
At the Butcher Shop - A Craven Danger Mystery
“You sure you didn’t have your thumb on that scale when you were doing the weighing?” said Craven. “Because that pound a baloney is looking an awful...
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- 1609 reads
Craven Gets Bugged - A Craven Danger Mystery
“How can I help you?” said Craven Danger. The gentleman sitting across from Craven, squirmed in his seat and spat a dirty word across the desk. “...
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- 707 reads
The Sloucher - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Hey, Mr. Danger. Please! I need you to save me!” Little Joey Gains scooted under Craven Danger’s desk, locking himself in the fetal position. “Save...
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- 5 comments
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- 1245 reads
Look Before You Leap - A Craven Danger Mystery
“I don’t know how you can stand on your own two feet after the way you were wolfing down those plates at the automat last night.” “Cut it out, Betty...
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- 625 reads
A Belated Craven Christmas Carol
“Marley was dead, to begin with,” said Betty. “There is no doubt about that. The register of his burial—“ “I wish they’d of buried that story right...
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- 4131 reads
Craven Danger and the Case of the Ouija
“What are you doin’ back here, Betty? Can’t you see I’m trying to work?” Betty Feltcher dropped the package on Craven Danger’s desk and turned to...
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- 3472 reads
Dwayne Delivers - A Craven Danger Mystery
“She was last seen in the vicinity of nine-thirty AM — that’s anti-Mediterranean time to the unbeknownst — in the possession of what looked to me to...
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- 1510 reads
Vengeance is My Middle Name - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Oh, yeah! Well, do me a favor, Betty. When you climb down from know-it-all mountain, go jump in who-asked-you-in-the-first-place lake!” “Suit...
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- 10 comments
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- 1878 reads
Dwayne Delivers Again - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Good morning! Thanks for calling the Coffee Pot on the Corner! This is Dwayne speaking! How may I be of service?” “Well, I’m glad the last thing you...
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- 8 comments
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- 1459 reads
The Coffee Pot on the Corner - A Craven Danger Mystery
Steve Papadopoulos is the proprietor of the Coffee Pot on the Corner. With ten mostly stable stools at the counter and five like tables along the...
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- 4179 reads
Father Mulrooney Makes a House Call - A Craven Danger Mystery
Lord, get me through the next thirty minutes and I’ll never again rage like a lunatic when I find Sister Helen in my whiskey cabinet. Also, let me...
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- 1382 reads
Dwayne Dishes on Craven Danger's Dander
When Betty Feltcher walked through the door of the Coffee Pot on the Corner, nine squeaky stools turned counter-clockwise. “Good morning, Miss...
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- 933 reads
Father Mulrooney Takes a Ride - A Craven Danger Mystery
“Where to, Father?” “Just drive around, Sidney. I need to clear my head. I have nowhere to go, and I don’t want to go alone.” Sidney Green pulled his...
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- 2109 reads
Patience and Fortitude with Father Mulrooney - A Craven Danger Mystery
May 20, 1948 “This is a funny place to hear my confession, Father. I feel a little exposed.” “This is the perfect place, Craven. The crack of dawn...
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- 2395 reads
The Christmas Coaster
“Whatcha doing there, Sidney?” “Me? I’m writing.” “On my beer coasters?” Sidney Green looked up at the bartender and looked down at his empty glass...
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- 30 comments
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- 4790 reads
Craven Unraveled
“What’s with the limp, Mr. Danger?” Craven stopped at Betty’s desk and yelped into his closed fist. “That rotten McDougall kid kicked me in the shin...
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- 1839 reads
Craven on Patrol
“Hey, Craven!” Detective Sergeant Dowd pulled his patrol car to the curb and signaled for Craven to get in. “No, not in the back. You’re sitting up...
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- 1010 reads
Craven on Patrol - Part II
“Okay, Craven. We got off to a poor start yesterday.” “I’ll say we did. I can’t believe you made me walk home.“ “Sorry, dear boy. It isn’t everyday...
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- 621 reads
Craven on Patrol - Part III - the Finale
“Listen, Craven,” said Sergeant Dowd. “This blue ’46 Plymouth with the bullet holes is being driven by a gorilla named Morty. He’s the one put all...
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- 741 reads
Craven Gets Flashed
“Say cheese, Mr. Danger!” FLASH! “Ah, geez, my eyes!” Craven Danger staggered along the edge of the subway platform with his thoughts on finding some...
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- 1790 reads
Craven Gets Flashed II
“Camera set at f/16 and 1/200 of a second. Distance set at ten feet. Bag full of photo plates and bulbs. All textbook Weegee. Then there’s our...
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- 1890 reads
Craven Gets Flashed III
“You hired a what?” said Betty. “A photographer. To document my cases and get us in the paper. You should have seen her last night.” “Seen who?” “...
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- 1169 reads
Craven Gets Flashed IV
“The railroad flat above the photo shop was typical of its Third Avenue neighbors. You climbed a flight of stairs; hit the landing; walked a few...
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- 6 comments
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- 1056 reads
Craven Gets Flashed V
“My tattoos used to be more glorious,” said Mildred. “When I wasn’t so wrinkled, and before these girls decided to head south. I have two dead...
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- 616 reads
Craven Gets Flashed VI
Jenny Wilkins made her way across Third Avenue as the roar of the El came to a stop at the 89th St. station. She was determined to make her way to...
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- 3 comments
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- 570 reads
Craven Gets Flashed VIII
Delaney’s was sprinkled with its usual mid day barstool denizens: Mel, Joey, and an assortment of guys who just got fired. “What can I get you ladies...
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- 723 reads
Craven Gets Flashed IX
“It’s starting to snow, FDR. Those ladies better hurry. My tires don’t like getting their feet wet anymore than I do. And downtown’s a long way to go...
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- 559 reads
Craven Gets Flashed X
As Jenny Wilkins was about to pull away from the curb — in what can only be described as a wing and a prayer on wheels —- there was a load rap on her...
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- 815 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XI
From the backroom of Ramone’s Tattoo Parlor, Madame Roza took a peak through a hole in the closed curtain and let out a hearty beer belch. “I do not...
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- 8 comments
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- 1516 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XII
It started with the Pizza. It ended with a bloody martini. That’s what the papers said. And that photo . Hoo boy! Talk about a tabloid blood and guts...
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- 762 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XIII
Story endings are a bit like life itself. Some end with a gentle sigh. Others with a scratch of the head and a What the hell was that all about? feel...
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- 7 comments
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- 2288 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XIV
The following is a blow-by-blow account of the night’s main event at Ramone’s Pizza: Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea...
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- 1724 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XV
I got some great shots, Mr. Danger,” said Jenny. “I had Ramone looking bloodier than anything at the Valentine’s Day Massacre. Did you finish writing...
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- 5 comments
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- 1067 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XVI
“Why don’t ya read to me the news story that Craven wrote,” said Sergeant Dowd.” “Hold on,” said Jenny. “Let me soak in this heat for a minute. It’s...
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- 3269 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XVII
“Kenny, are you coming to bed?” “Whilst the hounds chomp at our very feet! I should say not. The streets are crawling with vermin, and one must take...
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- 1293 reads
Craven Gets Flashed XVIII
Outside the station house Sergeant Dowd climbed in behind the wheel of the paddy wagon. “Try to have it back at a decent hour, sarge,” said officer...
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Craven Gets Flashed XIX
“As his wife slept, Kenny the dry cleaner tip-toed out the front door and descended the flight of stairs to the lobby. “Mrs. Hudson!” said Kenny. ”I...
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Craven Gets Flashed XX
In the back room of his shop above the Village Tavern stands Freddie Moynihan, proprietor of Village Oddities. Freddie is in a snit with a sleepy...
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Craven Gets Flashed XXI
At the Village Tavern Betty and Mildred were seated at a table near the stage. “Do you ever get the feeling you’ve been forgotten,” said Betty. “...
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Craven Gets Flashed XXII
At the Houston Street elevated station two figures in matching traveling cloaks hurried down the stairwell. “Wait up, Kenny!” said Jenny. “You’re...
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Craven Gets Flashed XXIII
At his shop above the Village Tavern Freddie Moynihan pounded the wood floor with the heel of his shoe. “Quiet down there! I’m trying to listen to...
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Craven Gets Flashed XXIV
On Bleecker street, the Village Tavern bouncers eyed the police officer as he gazed up at the Village Oddities window. “You boys ain’t gonna cause me...
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Craven Gets Flashed 25
It’s been a long hiatus, folks, and we’ll return to the Craven Danger Radio Hour in a moment, but first a word from our sponsor: ”Don’t have an...
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Craven Gets Flashed 26
When last we left our hero he was being dragged from the Village Tavern by a beefy bouncer named Troy. Once out the door, Troy planted the befuddled...
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Craven Gets Flashed 27
They Came In Looking for Coffee, But All They Got Was Dead By Dwayne Dobbins It was a burnt toast kinda mornin’ as the brutal rays of the Summer sun...
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Craven Gets Flashed 28
The pounding door caused Dwayne Dobbins to drop his knife and fork. “Do you suppose doors ever pound on their own?” he said. “What sort of question...
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Craven Gets Flashed 29
Jenny jimmied her way into Mr. Moynahan’s Village Oddities shop. The rest of the crew followed. “Would you look at this place,” said Craven. “It’s a...
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Craven Gets Flashed 30
At the coffee shop counter Detective Raven Stranger poked his egg yolks with a fork and screamed. “Aaarrggh!” “You sure are mad at those eggs,” said...
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Craven Gets Flashed 31
When last we left our heroes. . . Betty and Mildred were at the Village Tavern waiting for the bartender to introduce Betty; who was expected to sing...
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Craven Gets Flashed 32
“The beers are on me, Dwayne” “Thanks, Mr. Moynahan. And let me say that having my first beer with you is an honor I can’t express without wanting to...
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Renaldo Goes to Church
“You ever fall asleep in church,” said Renaldo.” “It depends on who’s doing the preaching,” said Frederick. Renaldo lifted a wing and pecked at a bit...
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Renaldo in Love
“You ever been in love, Renaldo?” Renaldo gave Frederick a little nuzzle, then sat back on his haunches. “Once upon a time I decided to hitch a ride...
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Renaldo Goes Nuts
“Well, look what the cat drug in,” said Frederick. It was a statement so cringe-worthy that Renaldo placed a wing over his breast and shuddered. “Don...
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A Pigeon’s Delight IP
“You ever crap on a guy happens by here all the time that wears a seersucker suit and straw hat?” said Renaldo. “Can’t say as I have,” said Frederick...
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Sorry Ends and Bagel Crumbs
“You okay, Renaldo? You’re looking gloomy?” “Frederick, ol’ chum, I feel like the sorry ends on a loaf of bread; unwanted, but tolerated. I should’ve...
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Something Stupid
I've been going through some older stuff and came across one I never used. Thought I'd put it out there. *** Something Stupid Betty flipped the...
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Craven Gets Addressed
“You’re shoes are too tight.” “”What?” The janitor ran his mop over Craven’s shoes and stood his ground. “And they’re awful dirty.” “Hey! Are you...
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The Goings On at Ned's
Ned the bartender was in a mood. “Bugsy! Stop eating them roaches! I’m getting complaints from the exterminator. I should be cheering you on; you’re...
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An Economy of Words at Ned's
He was an economy of words that first day he walked in here , thought Ned. Now he won’t shut up. Craven Danger sat at the end of the bar telling...
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The Bothers
“Everybody! Out! Now!” “Excuse me?” said Ned “That’s it!” said Stanley. “Now you’re all gonna drown!” Ned stood back and watched as Stanley the...
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The Dinghy - A Ned's Tavern Tale
Max and Stinky sat in the dinghy and cracked open two beers. “Tuna sandwich?” said Stinky. “Sure. It may be the only kinda fish we’ll see all day.”...
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The Phone Booth Incident - A Ned's Tavern Tale
“I solved a case today,” said Craven. “It started with the flick of an ash from a ‘46 Buick.” Craven Danger stubbed out his cigarette in the half-...
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A View From the Cab - A Sidney Green Story
“Look at all those buzzing bees out there,” said the gentleman passenger, “running hither and thither to accomplish life's goals. Capitalists on...
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A View From the Cab - The Debate 1948
“Where to?” said Sidney. “23rd and Third,” said the man. “Sit back and enjoy the ride, mister. And say hello to my pooch.” The man reached over the...
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Making Merry at Ned's
“You’re a little early,” said Ned. “I don’t start serving till eight.” Santa scratched at his beard and took a seat at the bar. “It's not booze I’m...
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