Sooz006
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The Book Chapter 45
The room around Alice was silent. The air mauled her with unseen hands, pressing against her like the weight of history curling at the edges of her...
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The Book: Chapter 44
You thought it was him, didn’t you? I can feel your certainty, Alice. The way you whisper his name and turn every brittle page in search of Brother...
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The Book: Chapter 43
The Young Mistress in the Shadows. New words had appeared in the book overnight. ‘The girl in the etching? Is that who you mean? Please, tell me...
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The Book: Chapter 42
The young girl cowered and the monk loomed over her. Her arms were held out defensively, trying to disappear into the stone, and her face was frozen...
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The Book: Chapter 41
The road up-country from Barrow to Ravenglass was notoriously bad but undeniably beautiful. Mick told her to relax and enjoy the drive, but he might...
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Brooke was definitely the
Posted on Mon, 16 Feb 2015
Brooke was definitely the most dominate one out of the five of us...dominant.
During my single-digit years were when I would see a lot of Brooke and Taylor... I see what you're saying here but the sentence couled be...
Read full commentPosted in Favorite (part 1)
And you've done it to me
Posted on Thu, 01 Jan 1970
And you've done it to me again, just geting solidly into it and it stops...but I loved every word. You write with such grace and style. You have a bohemian sophistication that reeks of class even when you're writing down and dirty stuff.
Read full commentPosted in Las Vegas 3
Wow!
Posted on Wed, 07 Jan 2015
Wow!
Read full commentPosted in You Are No More...
I mean, how many girls get
Posted on Thu, 01 Jan 2015
I mean, how many girls get whisked around the world on a flying carpet? He literally knew how to sweep a girl off her feet, unfortunately, later on; I had to learn that there is a lot he sweeps under that carpet too. ...lovely use of metaphor....
Read full commentPosted in Session 4 - Being Married Perspective
The last line of this brought
Posted on Tue, 23 Sep 2014
The last line of this brought tears to my eyes .. but it's early and I was in the office at six forty five and haven't woken up yet, they wre morning tears, I'm not soft really, honest.
Adfverbs and words and phrases like ,rather, and...
Read full commentPosted in Reef 5 - Mayday!
This is the first of these
Posted on Sun, 21 Sep 2014
This is the first of these that I've read... beautiful writing. I loved every word of this. I'm also writing a dog story, but mine's darker. I'll be looking out for more of these.
Just one tiny thing, perhaps you could number...
Read full commentPosted in Reef 3 - The Boat
TV critics as a masterpiece
Posted on Mon, 03 Mar 2014
TV critics as a masterpiece unlikely ever to be equalled with some rating her show ,,, I'd put a comma after equalled.
guard of pastry chefs help their serving spoons at half mast...held?
Oh, come on Eton Mess witout a...
Read full commentPosted in The Golden Spoon Award
Little Ally’s head felt fuzzy
Posted on Sat, 30 Nov 2013
Little Ally’s head felt fuzzy… I’d keep the prefix ‘little’ for dialogue. When the narrator is referring to her as little Ally it gets a bit sickly. It’s like in the soaps when the baby’s always Baby so and so. ‘Who’s having Baby Jack tonight?’...
Read full commentPosted in school photos 34
Ally’s job was to say the
Posted on Thu, 28 Nov 2013
Ally’s job was to say the Lord’s Prayer as quickly as she could so that the monsters under the beds didn’t reach their bony fingers up, grab her by the ankle and pull her down underneath the floor to the great pit. …..Celt, I swear to you, I did...
Read full commentPosted in school photos 33
Odd use of capitalisation. I
Posted on Sun, 02 Mar 2014
Odd use of capitalisation. I'm not sure if this is done intentionally, but I'd be tempted to re-look at it and go for proper usage.
I like the wierd stiltedness of this, it reads a like an old Chinese proverb and that makes it...
Read full commentPosted in Man, Woman and Bird
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