Sooz006
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The Book: Chapter 40
Alice tried to focus on vital research, but the repercussions of her job loss made it difficult to concentrate. She’d expected to be a doctor forever...
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The Book: Chapter 39
I’m tired. The game is not living up to my expectations. I am weary of this host. With her trembling hands and frantic eyes, Alice Grant is a good...
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The Book: Chapter 38
She was locked in a cubicle in the staff bathroom. Time was irrelevant, but she’d been there a while, listening to the dull hum of the madness...
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The Book: Chapter 37
Security was coming. Alice pressed herself flat against the door, fighting her rising panic. The buzz of radio static came to her, punctuated by the...
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The Book: Chapter 36
Alice’s world had shrunk to the size of the book. She stared at the blue glow of her laptop screen, the light making her throbbing headache worse...
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Odd use of capitalisation. I
Posted on Sun, 02 Mar 2014
Odd use of capitalisation. I'm not sure if this is done intentionally, but I'd be tempted to re-look at it and go for proper usage.
I like the wierd stiltedness of this, it reads a like an old Chinese proverb and that makes it...
Read full commentPosted in Man, Woman and Bird
Slowly begins to reflect and
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Slowly begins to reflect and refract amid a golden hue;... I think the word begins here, weakens the piece, up to this point it's strong and assertive while being poignant and beautiful, just that one little word made it feel weaker than it had...
Read full commentPosted in The Deer.
Of course the other chap had
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Of course the other chap had to be vaporised, but you've got to make sacrifices.... cute! I like this.
And whenever he is asked if he has any regrets, he will say, "It's a bit draughty on the moon."...Nice.
...
Read full commentPosted in It's a Bit Draughty on the Moon
eyes that scream whilehis
Posted on Sat, 25 Jan 2014
eyes that scream whilehis mouth devours... space
This is his huge stabbed throne!
Read full commentWhere screaming Saturnus and the shining stars do live.
This--- he calls his home... I like this, I think it sets the atmosphere for...
Posted in saturnius
Luigi this is gorgeous. This
Posted on Tue, 10 Dec 2013
Luigi this is gorgeous. This isn't words it's a painting.
Read full commentPosted in From Out a Window (I.P.)
And why shouldn't they? A
Posted on Fri, 03 May 2013
And why shouldn't they? A lovely well thought out poem, nicely written.Read full commentPosted in Pigs might...
Will I fight against that
Posted on Tue, 17 Jul 2012
Will I fight against that leopard or would I chicken out?”... you've changed tenses here, I'd go with either would would, or will will. fear s and for sure, not even a leopard!... fears? The wonders of nature eh? This is an uplifting story about...Read full commentPosted in Ordeal or opportunity?
No! No! No!!! You really,
Posted on Wed, 01 Feb 2012
No! No! No!!! You really, really, really don't need exclamation marks in prose. If you do use them they should only ever be used in extreme circumstances. Unless you are purposefully using a child's voice but then you have to make it clear to the...Read full commentPosted in It’s Gonna Be Me, Not You!
Aw that's really sweet,
Posted on Thu, 28 Jun 2012
Aw that's really sweet, lovely ending. Do you know what the first few stanzas of this reminded me of? escaped baby iguanas. And I've chased my share of them. They are like lightning.. This was lovely and next time I see a balloon floating around...Read full commentPosted in The Runaway Heart (Redrafted)
I like this, I especially
Posted on Sun, 20 Jan 2008
I like this, I especially like the phrase 'weaving trees' I hope oyu idn't mean weaving through the trees, because for me that would spoil the lovely image of somebody weaving a tree.Read full commentPosted in Cicada
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