Sooz006
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The Book: Chapter 22
Alice was delighted when she saw the stunning flower arrangement on her desk. And Mara followed her in with a huge grin on her face. ‘Somebody’s...
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The Book: Chapter 21
Alice sat in the staffroom, staring at the book. It rarely used her name directly. It was a bastard, using cryptic rhymes and twisted riddles...
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The Book: Chapter 20
The book was back. Alice wasn’t surprised. She knew what it was the second she saw the brown paper parcel on her desk. Its vibration filled her head...
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The Book: Chapter 19
Voudou does her stupidity know no bounds? Oh, she makes me laugh. The arrogance of mortals. They clutch at the unknown with their sweaty hands,...
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The Book: Chapter 18
Alice sat in her car outside the terraced house in Ulverston. She felt the book’s menace pressing against her from inside the bag. It knew she was...
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Wow!
Posted on Wed, 07 Jan 2015
Wow!
Read full commentPosted in You Are No More...
I mean, how many girls get
Posted on Thu, 01 Jan 2015
I mean, how many girls get whisked around the world on a flying carpet? He literally knew how to sweep a girl off her feet, unfortunately, later on; I had to learn that there is a lot he sweeps under that carpet too. ...lovely use of metaphor....
Read full commentPosted in Session 4 - Being Married Perspective
The last line of this brought
Posted on Tue, 23 Sep 2014
The last line of this brought tears to my eyes .. but it's early and I was in the office at six forty five and haven't woken up yet, they wre morning tears, I'm not soft really, honest.
Adfverbs and words and phrases like ,rather, and...
Read full commentPosted in Reef 5 - Mayday!
This is the first of these
Posted on Sun, 21 Sep 2014
This is the first of these that I've read... beautiful writing. I loved every word of this. I'm also writing a dog story, but mine's darker. I'll be looking out for more of these.
Just one tiny thing, perhaps you could number...
Read full commentPosted in Reef 3 - The Boat
TV critics as a masterpiece
Posted on Mon, 03 Mar 2014
TV critics as a masterpiece unlikely ever to be equalled with some rating her show ,,, I'd put a comma after equalled.
guard of pastry chefs help their serving spoons at half mast...held?
Oh, come on Eton Mess witout a...
Read full commentPosted in The Golden Spoon Award
Little Ally’s head felt fuzzy
Posted on Sat, 30 Nov 2013
Little Ally’s head felt fuzzy… I’d keep the prefix ‘little’ for dialogue. When the narrator is referring to her as little Ally it gets a bit sickly. It’s like in the soaps when the baby’s always Baby so and so. ‘Who’s having Baby Jack tonight?’...
Read full commentPosted in school photos 34
Ally’s job was to say the
Posted on Thu, 28 Nov 2013
Ally’s job was to say the Lord’s Prayer as quickly as she could so that the monsters under the beds didn’t reach their bony fingers up, grab her by the ankle and pull her down underneath the floor to the great pit. …..Celt, I swear to you, I did...
Read full commentPosted in school photos 33
Odd use of capitalisation. I
Posted on Sun, 02 Mar 2014
Odd use of capitalisation. I'm not sure if this is done intentionally, but I'd be tempted to re-look at it and go for proper usage.
I like the wierd stiltedness of this, it reads a like an old Chinese proverb and that makes it...
Read full commentPosted in Man, Woman and Bird
Slowly begins to reflect and
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Slowly begins to reflect and refract amid a golden hue;... I think the word begins here, weakens the piece, up to this point it's strong and assertive while being poignant and beautiful, just that one little word made it feel weaker than it had...
Read full commentPosted in The Deer.
Of course the other chap had
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Of course the other chap had to be vaporised, but you've got to make sacrifices.... cute! I like this.
And whenever he is asked if he has any regrets, he will say, "It's a bit draughty on the moon."...Nice.
...
Read full commentPosted in It's a Bit Draughty on the Moon
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