Let's Start Again
By Beeme
Thu, 16 Jun 2011
- 3731 reads
23 comments
I can only imagine
the air splintering
hollow-
too cautious to intake,
for fear of the next
explosion
the desperation,
as he scrambles
towards his dying
wife-
her blood
running like a
late flower blooming.
Your voice,
lost and grieving.
Against the bullet- torn skyline,
gaps where stars should shine.
The words caught
in a tangle
of barbed wire bruises,
as they rise.
“Mama!”
your heart
beating so fast
screaming
at your father
to find shelter,
your feet
heavy as lead,
your hands
clipped-
like wings of a bird,
“Papa!”
praying to start again.
Praying for your father's life.
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Comments
I really like this Beeme!
Permalink Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
I really like this Beeme! Very glad to see you got over your block - and good luck in the competition.
You are missing the apostrophe from father's in the final line
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I like this one, too Beeme,
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I like this one, too Beeme, and wish you every success with it in the competition;-)
Tina xx
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I echo what Tina has said -
I echo what Tina has said - very good poem. We all get these `blocks' unfortunately.
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A very dramatic poem Beeme-
A very dramatic poem Beeme- I thought it was very good.
I like the structure and the short lines that seem to explain everything themselves without too many words.
Good luck
;)Pia
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New Beeme Good luck with the
Permalink Submitted by Cavalcader on
New Beeme
Good luck with the comp:
I like this one too, lot of
memories in it. Yes, I think
most get a block, and me, so keep
coming back learning and reading all
other's, or paper's cards keep mind active.
Worse if I stay of a while. As I shoudn't.
julie xx
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Yes, good luck with this -
Yes, good luck with this - it's very good. Powerful and gut-wrenching.
Rob
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Air splintering hollow -
Air splintering hollow - pretty powerful stuff. Loads of luck for the comp and sorry to hear of your writing struggles. ATB Fatboy
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Dramatic story telling and
Dramatic story telling and quite startling imagery, good luck for the comp.
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Nice one..I like simplicity
Nice one..I like simplicity in a poem structure and this has it with depth..
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Beautifully sad :) i wish
Beautifully sad :) i wish you the best of biased luck ;P xx
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