Let's Start Again

Cherry

By Beeme

Thu, 16 Jun 2011
  • 3745 reads
23 comments
 

I can only imagine
the air splintering
hollow-
too cautious to intake,
for fear of the next
explosion

the desperation,
as he scrambles
towards his dying
wife-
her blood
running like a
late flower blooming.

Your voice,
lost and grieving.
Against the bullet- torn skyline,
gaps where stars should shine.
The words caught
in a tangle
of barbed wire bruises,
as they rise.

“Mama!”

your heart
beating so fast
screaming
at your father
to find shelter,

your feet
heavy as lead,
your hands
clipped-
like wings of a bird,

“Papa!”

praying to start again.
Praying for your father's life.

Certificate U
Poem
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
I really like this Beeme! Very glad to see you got over your block - and good luck in the competition. You are missing the apostrophe from father's in the final line

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I like this one, too Beeme, and wish you every success with it in the competition;-) Tina xx

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you both very much. I'm very relieved to be coming out of my writers block too :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by seashore on
I echo what Tina has said - very good poem. We all get these `blocks' unfortunately.

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you very much Seashore. I know, it's so fustrating sometimes. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Highhat on
A very dramatic poem Beeme- I thought it was very good. I like the structure and the short lines that seem to explain everything themselves without too many words. Good luck ;)Pia

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you so much Pia, for reading and for leaving such an encouraging comment :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New Beeme Good luck with the comp: I like this one too, lot of memories in it. Yes, I think most get a block, and me, so keep coming back learning and reading all other's, or paper's cards keep mind active. Worse if I stay of a while. As I shoudn't. julie xx

Submitted by rjnewlyn on
Yes, good luck with this - it's very good. Powerful and gut-wrenching. Rob

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you very much Julie and Rob! Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by fatboy74 on
Air splintering hollow - pretty powerful stuff. Loads of luck for the comp and sorry to hear of your writing struggles. ATB Fatboy

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thanks very much Fatboy!I'm just trying to write through it. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you very much Nathan! Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by shoe on
Dramatic story telling and quite startling imagery, good luck for the comp.

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you Shoe :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by AnnikaM on
Nice one..I like simplicity in a poem structure and this has it with depth..

Submitted by Beeme on
thank you very much AnnikaM Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Nolan on
These family fights can get out of hand.
 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you so much SundayChild, your good wishes are greatly appreciated. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by awsamy on
Beautifully sad :) i wish you the best of biased luck ;P xx

Submitted by AnnikaM on
Thanks for the lovely comment Awsamy!

Submitted by AnnikaM on
Thanks for the lovely comment Awsamy!

Submitted by Beeme on
thanks amy! xx

k.