Bits and Pieces
By pepsoid
Bits and... you know... pieces.
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- 3750 reads
"Sanger" & "Books"
Sanger Sometimes a cheese'n'pickle sandwich is just all you need!... Books Thousands of words on hundreds of pages, encased within the confines of a book...
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- 1474 reads
"What's That You're Reading, Dear?"
books you don't want to catch your 'better half' reading!
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- 2254 reads
Andrex
The starship Kittensoft drifted inexorably towards the event horizon of the black hole.
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- 580 reads
Karri and Vyk Narrowly Avoid Death by Falling Piano
"It has happened many times in movies and television, but in real life it's pretty rare. No statistics have been gathered on this!"
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- 1533 reads
Book
In this age of iPods, PS3's, blogs and HDTV, let us not forget the simple pleasures of the printed word.
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- 2276 reads
Convention
The minotaurs walked into the room, feeling very self-conscious.
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- 1571 reads
Danny the Duvet Diva!
"Oh look at my duve-e-e-et!"
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- 784 reads
Discontinuity
Sam the fireman finished his breakfast, slid down the pole and jumped on his scooter, arriving at the burning building just in time to join the rest...
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- 749 reads
Effluence
"I don't believe it," said the skeptic tank. The sewage treatment plant explained its inner workings. "And these so-called 'sewers' are all...
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- 737 reads
Galactonauts
The future of Virgin Galactic...?
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- 673 reads
HB1
Horrid Borrid sat on the chessboard and peeled a banana. His brother Morrid shoved some mud in his left ear and laughed maniacally. "Horrid!" said...
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- 1608 reads
In Plain Sight
They had infiltrated. Gathered. Before the unwary eye of the humans - who had thought themselves masters, but would soon be slaves. Unnerving with a...
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- 649 reads
Johnny and the Caffeine Shaman
It was an enormous coffee pot. Of all the coffee pots he had ever seen, it was of truly gargantuan proportions. It was a whopper and no mistake.
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- 1309 reads
Perception
"The glass is half empty," said Gary. "No it's not, it's half full," said Rick. Gary took a sip. "What of it now?" "Now it's forty-nine percent full...
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- 658 reads
Pontiff
His swirling robes tickled his knees and swept up dust from the floor, which made him sneeze. The Sneezing Pope of Pashmina , they would call him,...
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- 681 reads
Proclamation
"Today is the day," said the King, "that we must do things! We must gather our strength and fight!" "Yawn," said the Guard at the back. "You must not...
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- 606 reads
Pyramid Sales
The Egyptian queen Flhambey picked up her ankh and gave it a lick.
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- 930 reads
Rancid Exokirubg and the Potato
"Dude." It arrived. He skidded to a halt. He examined. A hatch opened. "Far out." He went inside. *Ping!* --- Glass. Opening. A human hand. A scream...
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- 852 reads
Reclined
As he approaches the station, the knees of the enormous robot lady loom over the platform.
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- 678 reads
Religion
A long time ago, in a faraway place...
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- 536 reads
Royal Flush
"Do hold your tongue, prince," said the queen; "as the lady is eating her soup!"
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- 553 reads
Sar-chasm
The explorers hoisted up their backpacks and regarded the desolate snowy wastes before them. "Brrr," said Captain Crab.
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- 1225 reads
Scurvy
The busty pirate lady put down the lemon...
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- 484 reads
SEQ 1-3
SEQ 1 A: Andy Serkis. B: No! A: Why? B: Parisian dust mites! A: You fool! B: I'm not in love with Andy Serkis! A: You're in love with a concrete bell boy!
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- 947 reads
Soap ^ Water ^ Dryer
PROLOGUE He had a wee. 1. Soap Dispensation. 2. Water Saturation. 3. Dryer Dehydration. EPILOGUE He forgot to flush.
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- 725 reads
Stupid Unicorn! (Union Human)
"Stupid unicorn!" said the fairy princess.
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- 1561 reads
Tales of the Unplanned
Regurgitating peanuts, to feed the small, furry memories that will crawl on uncountable stunted legs towards the white plastic garden chair upon which I sit.
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- 1141 reads
Ten Utterly Pointless Questions That Are Asked in Offices
“Have you had a haircut?”… to which the only sensible response would be “Yes” or indeed, on the more controversial side of the spectrum, “No.”
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- 1282 reads
The Adventures of Frank and Yakamura! (a tale composed of 17 chapters of exactly 50 words each)
Words are like small globules of slightly congealed slugslime.
The Doer of Things
‘Who are you?’ said Harry. ‘I am the Doer,’ said the man, ‘of Things!’
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- 1966 reads
The Jester and the Purple Toad (a tale of friendship, beans and carpetlove)
“I am a jester!” said the Jester.
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- 3 comments
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- 1702 reads
The Silly Wizard of Chumberly
The Silly Wizard of Chumberly danced on one leg...
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- 808 reads
The Wild Man
"Erm..." said the wild man, as he sat on the stool, surrounded by all the little people. And then he realised he couldn't speak and the words he...
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- 717 reads
They pt1
"Come on," said Us to his good friend Them, as they entered the cafe...
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- 513 reads
Time Machines Made of Carrots
"What you working on there, Bradders?"
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- 3 comments
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- 2104 reads
Trains
What kind of life is it for a train?
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- 1016 reads
Waiting for a Train to Remember
[ Good morning, platform dwellers! I regret to notify you of the lateness of the incoming train. It should be here at 0757, but it seems it will be here at 0819. May I, however, ask you to forgive me if this information is not accurate? I assure you I will do my very best to update you when I am better informed. ]
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- 2154 reads
Dr Procrastination
As Superchap was ironing his cape, supping brandy and watching Newsround , something came on that caught his attention. "Police are now on high alert...
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- 6 comments
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- 2934 reads
Trevor
"I've found Trevor!" she said. "Don't you mean 'treasure'?" "No. Trevor." The sand flew and the spade was a blur. A dry, throaty groan emerged from...
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- 677 reads
The Futility of War and all that Gubbins
Nothing ultimately mattered. Everyone knew this. It was necessary, however, to have a purpose. The purpose was to send young folk to their deaths. By...
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- 598 reads
Recipe for a Good Night in
Ingredients tracky bottoms from Q+S (well worn and a bit smelly) an old white vest (stained)
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- 1306 reads
Transport
'Never, in the history of humankind, has there been such needless and unnoticed death on this kind of scale.' Peter said this as he lounged on a luxurious black leather sofa...
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- 1433 reads
Wonder
The workmen stood around, looking at the big pile of dirt they had created. They had only meant to dig a small hole in which to bury their master's cat, but they had got a little bit carried away.
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- 1403 reads
Mexican Stand-Off
The Old Gods and the New Gods looked at each other across an interdimensional void.
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- 1345 reads
The Seven Theories of 'Pear Shaped'
A story inspired by the Wikipedia entry "Pear Shaped
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- 1800 reads
Inky and the Sea Squirt
Inky the squid lay at the bottom of the ocean trench and raised his right eye languorously to the promise of light above.
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- 1462 reads
Pepsoid's Book of Quotes (an ongoing project)
Just wanted to start collecting 'em. Don't ask why. (starting with whatever I can remember off the top of my head from my fave films)
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- 1319 reads
Right Where it Belongs... by Nine Inch Nails
Okay, so I didn't actually write this, but see Gen.Dis. topic (3-Jul-06) for why I posted it...
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- 1331 reads
One Year On!
About a year ago I undertook The Great Summer Purge of 2005.
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- 1386 reads
Anachronistic Harry
1. A thought popped randomly into Harry’s head: anachronism: something or someone that is not in its correct historical or chronological time,...
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- 883 reads
Spotty Oik
“Watch that wall, mate, it eats people,” said the Spotty Oik. Then he barked into the face of the passing stranger, who inevitably flinched, upon...
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- 1 comment
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- 1024 reads
The Leafblower
His lolloping gait complemented the motion of the machine he swept pendulously before him. It blew not only leaves, but all manner of detritus: grass...
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- 522 reads
Letters of Complaint
As previously seen on ukauthors.com...
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- 4635 reads
Britney and Shania
- a tale of friendship in eight parts. Pt1 “You’re, like, literally standing on my toe, Britney.” “I’m, like, so sorry, Shania. I totally never meant...
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- 2 comments
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- 1292 reads
Disaster Man
“Oh no, disaster!” “What is it, husband?” “I can’t get the lid back on my soda bottle.” “Give me that...” “Oh no, disaster!” “What is it, husband?” “...
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- 4 comments
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- 1294 reads
The Visitor
'What is your name?' said the Wise One from his dark throne in the shadowy corner of his cave. 'My name,' said the weary traveller, 'is Soneep E. Yesswon.'
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- 1613 reads
Simon Says
A story about the ever popular party game, Simon Says.
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- 1819 reads
Waiting Room Quandary
If you are sitting in a quiet train waiting room and there is someone sitting directly opposite you, do you... (A) Stare blatantly at them like some...
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- 481 reads
The Magic Door
There was a magic door. He walked through it. It wasn’t a magic door. ... “Everybody concentrate,” he had said. Everybody did so. Someone farted. He...
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- 428 reads
The Demands of the Villain - pt1> Chocolate Limes
“I simply must have a bag of chocolate limes!,” said the evil supervillain. “But how shall I acquire this delightful confection?” The evil...
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- 473 reads
The Freedom to be Weird
A story inspired by these frisky fellows: ‘Inside a pony fetish festival’ 1. After a fifty hour week of purchase ledger, there was nothing he liked...
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- 4 comments
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- 1740 reads
Flatpack Frustration
1. The boxes arrived. She emptied out the contents and scrabbled around for the instructions. Upon finding them, since her Arabic was not up to...
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- 917 reads
All the Fridges! ... PART ONE
There was some confusion over the location of the Resource Cupboard. Some said go past the Finance Office and turn left at Music. Others asserted you...
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- 391 reads
All the Fridges! … PART TWO
< Have you read PART ONE yet? If not, go and do so, or else none of this will make sense… > The light from the photocopier and the light from...
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- 1017 reads
Wanda the Corner Destroyer
The following is based on a true story. T he instigator in the true story is really called Wanda. And she really did destroy the corner of a table...
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- 621 reads
The Origin of the Eucharist
After a hard day’s sermoning, Jesus (who was the Christ) was sitting in a dark corner of a tavern, having a glass of wine and some bread. He also had...
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- 738 reads
S-s-s-story
So Sally saw Simon. "'Sup?," said Sally. "Safe," said Simon. Sally sighed. Simon sighed (simultaneously). "See!," said Sally (she seemed scared). "...
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- 703 reads
Transparent Fashionable Bricks on a Mountain of Toilet Paper
"The problem is," said Dr Flagstone, as he contemplated the latest addition to the gallery, "I find it impossible to discern the presence of the...
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- 342 reads
Snitty Von Hoobar and the Spognoglication of Trim
- story temporarily removed, pending re-write to resolve copywrite issues -
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- 3 comments
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- 808 reads